“Liberals & Locusts” and “Poll Results & Other Matters”

You don’t hear that much about locusts today. Not unless you read the Bible or know how the Mormons came to settle in Salt Lake City. But at one time, people lived pretty much in dread of what a swarm of them could do to farmland; namely, devour everything in sight, leaving devastation and famine in their wake.

These days, liberals do the same. The primary differences between the two groups is that, to their credit, locusts only showed up every seven years, and they concentrated on agriculture and didn’t feel compelled to also leave an entire economy, a perfectly fine health care system and the U.S. Constitution, in tatters.

Anyone who pays the least bit of attention to those on the Left knows they lie, and that you can tell when they’re lying because you can see their lips moving. But let us, for the sake of argument, pretend that they always tell the truth. In that spirit, let us accept that the IRS targeting of conservatives came as a big surprise to Barack Obama and Lois Lerner, and was in fact the doing of rogue IRS agents in Cincinnati.

Furthermore, let us accept that Barack Obama and Gen. Shinseki had no idea that V.A. administrators across the nation were cooking the records in order to, one, conceal the fact that veterans were dying while waiting to see doctors and, two, collect bonuses based on their presumed efficiency.

Let us even pretend that neither Barack Obama nor Hillary Clinton had the slightest inkling that for months Ambassador Chris Stevens had begged for additional security in Benghazi, and had voiced alarm that known terrorists had rented the house next door to the consulate.

As I say, even if we accept these far-fetched claims as gospel, we are left with the indisputable fact that government has grown so huge and the various federal bureaucracies so bloated that nobody – least of all the gang of incompetents who infest the current administration – can stay on top of things.

Still, these are the people who keep insisting that they should control health care, which constitutes one-sixth of the national economy. These are, after all, the same schmucks who make a practice of blaming others when a couple of nonentities like Edward Snowden and Bradley Manning swipe our military and intelligence secrets; when the rollout of ObamaCare trips over its own feet; and when the IRS computers allegedly crash right on cue.

These numbskulls think they should be running your life, but in fact they could own the only ice plant during a heat wave and still fail to turn a profit.

Speaking of louts, the U.N. Human Rights Council voted 29-1 to condemn Israel for its response to the missile barrage from Gaza. The good news is that the lone Nay vote was cast by the U.S. The bad news is that even though Republicans have been presidents for 36 of the 66 years the U.N. has been in existence, not one of them, including Reagan, has tried to remove us from its membership rolls. Heck, not one of them has even questioned the fact that we pay 25% of its bills.

How corrupt is the U.N.? Well, Secretary General Ban ki-Moon is currently flying around on a jet supplied by Qatar, a Middle East nation that supports Hamas terrorism. Is it any wonder that the U.N. ignores the thousands of missiles Hamas fires into Israel, but wrings its collective hands and voices its moral outrage when Israel fights back? Topping it off, Mr. ki-Moon voices shock — shock! — upon hearing that the terrorists have been storing missiles in a school run by the U.N. in Gaza. The missiles have since been moved, no doubt to an orphanage, a hospital or to the Secretary General’s luggage.

Frankly, for the sake of diminishing Mr. ki-Moon’s carbon footprint, I think he should spurn the jet and do all his future flying on a broomstick.

Lest you think that the Secretary General is alone in showing his bias towards Muslim jihadists, it was recently leaked that nearly a year ago Iraq asked that Obama employ drones to wipe out ISIS when the jihadists were still gathering in the desert, preparing to, but not yet fully engaged in creating a caliphate.

On second thought, maybe I was mistaken about the whereabouts of those missing missiles. Has anyone bothered to check out the White House basement?


When Italian composer and violin virtuoso Niccolo Paganini (1784-1840) performed on the concert stage, people were so unprepared to hear the half-notes and exotic harmonics at which he excelled, they often assumed that he had sold his soul to the Devil. When I see what Obama is doing day after day to destroy America and the Constitution, I find myself thinking the same thing about him.

It’s not often we get to see in a Democratic administration what we can probably expect from a Republican one. In this case, I’m referring to Obama’s foreign policy, which seems to reflect what Rand Paul would do if he were in the Oval Office. Sen. Paul might balk at being compared to the man he would like to replace, but so far as I can tell he is an isolationist who subscribes to the belief that we should not concern ourselves unduly with what Russia, North Korea, China or Islam, are up to until the day comes when, say, Kentucky is invaded or Louisville is nuked.

An oddity of the current administration is that they are constantly prattling on about the evils of income inequality, and yet Obama is forever going hat-in-hand to beg wealthy liberals to kick in $30,000 for a fund-raising dinner. Even more telling is the fact that whereas the average CEO in 2009 was making roughly 181 times as much as the average employee at his company, in 2014, the differential had increased to 270 times as much.

Call me a skeptic, but surely I’m not the only person who has begun asking how all those impoverished Central Americans were able to pony up $8,000 to pay a coyote to bring their kid to the Texas border. I don’t know very many people here in the States that could manage to come up with that much cash, but we’re expected to believe that thousands of Hondurans, Guatemalans and Salvadorans, managed it. If you’re one of those who believe it, once you’re done clapping in order to keep Tinkerbell alive, you’re invited to pull my other finger.

Doesn’t it seem far more likely that the Democrats somehow funded the exodus so that they could use the border crisis to push for so-called comprehensive immigration legislation?

It occurs to me that in no other business would Fox have no competition in the cable news business. I’m not referring to liberal competitors like CNN and MSNBC, but to a rival conservative network. When wealthy conservatives see how much money Rupert Murdoch is raking in, what’s keeping them from launching their own cable networks?

According to Roger Ailes, it only cost Murdoch $100 million to start up Fox; that’s a drop in the bucket for the likes of Sheldon Adelson, Donald Trump and the Koch brothers. Hell, Tom Steyer, the billionaire airhead, has pledged $100 million to help elect Democrats who merely have to pretend they share his childlike belief in the fairytale known as global warming.

Speaking for myself, I would be ready and eager to welcome a conservative network where I didn’t have to waste precious time every day listening to the likes of Alan Colmes, Bob Beckel, Geraldo Rivera, Kirsten Powers and Juan Williams.

In short, why would wealthy Republicans prefer whining about the media stifling the conservative message instead of producing megaphones of their own?

Finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the results of my recent poll dealing with the three best and the three worst presidents since 1945.

Considering my readership, it’s probably not too shocking that Reagan is the only one of the dozen presidents not to be mentioned as among the worst on even a single one of the 324 ballots cast. As you would imagine, he was the only one of the dozen to be mentioned among the Best on every ballot. Conversely, Barack Obama was left off only one of the ballots in the competition to determine the Worst.

You may notice that the votes in the two categories don’t always add up to 324. That’s because in some cases, people only voted for one or two presidents in each category. In many cases, people simply voted for Reagan or Obama and left off all the others. Personally, I was surprised that Nixon received so many votes for both Best and Worst, but he was probably the most controversial president back in the day, and apparently he remains so 40 years later.

The first number indicates the total votes each president received. The following numbers indicate first, second and third place votes.

Obama (323; 315; 8; 0)
Carter (257; 2; 198; 57)
LBJ (196; 6; 51; 139)
Clinton (55; 0; 12; 43)
Nixon (23; 0; 3; 20)
George W. Bush (10; 0; 3; 7)
Ford (9; 0; 0; 9)
George H.W. Bush (4; 0; 0; 4)
JFK (3; 0; 0; 3)
Eisenhower (2; 0; 0; 2)
Truman (2; 0; 0; 2)

Reagan (195; 186; 6; 3)
Eisenhower (97; 6; 63; 28)
Truman (79; 9; 40; 30)
Nixon (17; 1; 5; 11)
George W. Bush (15; 0; 6; 9)
JFK (12; 0; 2; 10)
Ford (9; 0; 0; 9)
George H.W. Bush (4; 0; 1; 3)
Clinton (1; 0; 1; 0)

I’m sorry I couldn’t thank each of you personally for taking part in the poll, but I do appreciate it. And, best of all, there are now 324 people who can never again insist that because they’ve never been polled, it proves that polls must all be phony.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

The N-Word and the L-Word; Bonus: Welfare, Warfare & Woeful

There are people who will find excuses for pedophiles and for women who feel themselves entitled to having abortions five minutes before the baby is ready to pop, but will call for a lynch rope if anyone dares to pronounce the word that the n-word refers to.

We have been told time and again that the world will stop spinning if white people utter the word that’s tossed around like a Frisbee in the black community. Blacks never explain why the word that’s supposed to be the worst obscenity imaginable has such wide currency within their own ranks. Black stand-up comedian Chris Rock made his name doing a bit in which he compared blacks, whom he claimed to love, to niggers, whom he despised and ridiculed. It resonated with middle-class black audiences because it summed up their own attitudes. So why is it that whites aren’t allowed to make the same obvious distinctions without resorting to the babyish n-word?

Why are we not supposed to be able to recognize the difference between men who go to school, hold down jobs, refrain from drug use, get married and help raise their children, from the bums who do none of those things?

In addition, how does calling a friend or neighbor a nigger work as a bonding agent? Do Italians call each other dagos and wops? Do Asians call each other slopes and nips and chinks? I’m 73 years old and I’ve never heard one Jew call another Jew a kike, a Hebe or a sheeny.

One of the anomalies of modern life is provided by Hollywood. Only in the town I call home would you find thousands of the very people dedicated to the eradication of the Second Amendment devoting most of their working hours to making movies and producing TV shows that glorify men protecting their families, city, nation and planet, with guns. And not just those regular guns they don’t want the rest of us to have, but humongous weapons with huge – even limitless –magazines

Speaking of life in my town, a while ago I was invited to attend a luncheon with other former L.A. Times employees. These get-togethers are a monthly affair, but I had never attended one before. Mainly, it was because even though I wrote a weekly humor column from 1967-1978, my status was always as a freelance contributor. Therefore, I knew a few people who worked in the sections where my work appeared, but not many others. But having nothing else to do one Friday, I decided to show up at the restaurant in Pasadena.

As it turned out, I only knew one person, a now retired assistant editor, but everyone was pretty friendly. That is they were until we reached the point when, after the meal, the newbies were supposed to talk about what we had done after leaving the newspaper. When it was my turn, I mentioned some of the scripts I had written for TV and then named a few of my books: “Conservatives Are from Mars, Liberals Are from San Francisco,” “Liberals: America’s Termites,” “Barack Obama, You’re Fired!” and “67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die.”

The booing was so loud and raucous, you might have thought I had claimed authorship of “Mein Kampf” and “The Protocols of Zion.” Keep in mind this was supposed to be a social gathering, not a Hillary for President pep rally.

So the next time some pinhead insists that the members of the mass media aren’t left-wing bigots, send him to me. I’ll straighten him out. With the business end of my Louisville Slugger, if necessary.

When I think about the 2012 election and realize that if Mitt Romney had received the same number of votes as John McCain did in 2008, we would have rid ourselves of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Kathleen Sebelius, Lois Lerner, the Affordable Care Act and an over-reaching EPA.

Whether millions of Republicans stayed home on Election Day because they had been bribed with food stamps or simply couldn’t bring themselves to vote for a Mormon, it is worth recalling what John Stuart Mill wrote 150 years ago: “A person may cause evil to others not only by his actions, but by his inaction, and in either case he is justly accountable to them for the injury.”

Mill also observed: “The worth of a State, in the long run, is the worth of the individuals composing it.”

That’s a thought that could keep a conservative up nights.


During the Great Depression, when there were even fewer jobs than there are today, there were still a great many men who refused to go on the dole, which was what welfare was called under FDR. That was only 75 or 80 years ago, but today, as you’ve probably noticed, their kids and grandkids can’t wait to start living off the efforts of others.

Whether it’s seniors in Florida signing up for food stamps they don’t need, young people in the inner-city assuming they’re entitled to be supported by others because clowns like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson keep telling them they’re victims of oppression, illegal aliens being fed similar hooey by Democrats or simply run-of-the-mill creeps lying in order to scam their way onto the disability rolls, millions of Americans are proving to be an embarrassment to their ancestors. The land of the free has morphed into the land of the freeloader.

George Bernard Shaw once observed that when you rob Peter to pay Paul, you shouldn’t expect Paul to complain. These days, of course, beneficiary Paul is more likely to be named Pablo or P’qual.

As you’ve no doubt noticed, ever since Obama first started yammering about red lines, we’ve been hearing about green lights. If Assad did this, he would be hearing from us; if Assad did that, he’d never know what hit him. But once he did both this and that, Obama began parsing his language in a way we haven’t seen since Bill Clinton donned his professorial robes and tried to convince us that “is” sometimes meant what we all had previously thought it meant, but at other times, especially when sex was involved, meant “isn’t.” said he was only going to fire a shot across Assad’s bow. Then, instead of firing the shot, he decided he needed an okay from Congress, the very group of obstructionists he’d been verbally flaying for the past three years. But as urgent as the need to take action had been on Friday, on Saturday, Obama said it could wait another nine days until the obstructionists returned from vacation. Of course, they would then have to argue the merits of military action for another week or two, not to mention turning in those 500-word essays detailing what they’d done during their summer vacation.

On Sunday, John Kerry, who was a rotten soldier back in the 70s when he wore a uniform, proved to be a good one now that he’s wearing Obama’s collar, told Chris Wallace that he thought there was no danger in delaying action for as long as it takes to unite 535 members of Congress and 315 million Americans. But, Wallace asked, what if Congress doesn’t approve action and all those Americans continue to oppose getting involved in another Middle East mess? Kerry scoffed at the very notion.

I can see his point. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that most people thought ObamaCare was an unmitigated disaster, and look how popular it is now. Okay, bad example.

Wallace did ask Kerry what Obama would do if in the meantime Assad again attacked the rebels with sarin gas. The Secretary of Defense pooh-poohed the possibility. And he was right to pooh-pooh such a silly notion. After all, Obama has already warned Assad four or five times. By now, we have to assume the warning has finally sunk in.

I suppose by this time, nobody should be too surprised that after informing his national security advisors that he had changed his mind about sending that shot across Assad’s bow, Obama and Biden rushed off to play a round of golf. But the good news is that when he yelled “Fore!” Bashar al-Assad, Kim Jong-un and the Iranian mullahs, knew he wasn’t kidding around. He really meant it.

Speaking of chemical warfare, Chris Matthews, who’s a major role model to lispers looking to carve out careers in broadcasting, told his MSNBC audience that even Adolf Hitler never used chemical weapons. That came as belated good news to the millions of Jews who apparently only thought they had been killed by the Nazis through the use of Zyklon B, otherwise known as hydrogen cyanide.

As liberals have long contended, MSNBC isn’t just entertaining, it’s also, thanks to the likes of such deep thinkers as Matthews, Rachel Maddow, Ed Schultz, Andrea Mitchell and Al Sharpton, extremely educational.

The fact that hardly anybody ever tunes in is all the evidence liberals need to convince themselves that, just as with the NY Times, green energy and ObamaCare, it takes a special sort of birdbrain to realize just how wonderful it is.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.