A One-Man Wrecking Crew

It usually requires an actual dictator to destroy a country. It takes a power-crazed lunatic such as Hitler, Mussolini, Mao, Castro or the Ayatollah Khomeini, to turn a nation into a cesspool. That’s what makes Barack Obama unique. In his case, it only took one man to, in his own words, radically transform a free republic into a place that would not only be unrecognizable to the likes of Washington, Madison, Franklin and Hamilton, but even to such latecomers as Truman, Kennedy and Reagan.

It was with a combination of shock and disgust that I saw America elect a man in 2008 who vowed to redistribute wealth, send energy costs soaring, do everything in his power to destroy the coal and oil industries and, for an encore, take control of the health care industry, less because there was anything terribly wrong with things as they were, but in an attempt to shift one-sixth of the economy into the hands of the federal government.

Everything he said and did were the words and actions of a fascist, and yet the citizens, at least those who were ready and willing to swap their liberty for free cell phones, unemployment checks and food stamps, re-elected him. They didn’t even care that after the first four years of his reign, there weren’t very many jobs; after all, what difference was it to them so long as there were enough job-holders being taxed to support them?

Even college graduates who were forced to move back home seemed content with their lot. Heck, Obama saw to it that they didn’t have to pay for health insurance until they were 26. He helped legalize marijuana, encouraged homosexuality and, God knows, would never even consider reinstituting the military draft. Besides, living at home provided them with hot meals, clean laundry and rent-free accommodations. Is it any wonder that 70% of these elderly infants voted to re-elect the cool dude?

Those are just some of the reasons that I have found the farcical rollout of the Affordable Care Act so delightful. Compared to this disaster, the notorious rollouts involving New Coke and Ford’s Edsel were resounding success stories.
When, three weeks after the rollout, Barack Obama stood in front of 13 human props while trying to defend the indefensible, he identified them as people who had successfully enrolled in ObamaCare. What he neglected to mention was that they were the only ones in a nation of 310 million who had done so.

His performance that day, as he kept repeating the 800-number and assuring us what a really swell thing ObamaCare was, reminded many people of those TV hucksters who keep trying to sell us hair-in-a spray can. He did everything but tell us that if we were among the first hundred people to call in, he’d toss in a second Affordable Care Act at no additional cost.

It later came out that during his speech, one of those human props, the very pregnant Karmel Allison, nearly fainted. What wasn’t reported was that prior to his typically long-winded harangue, she wasn’t even expecting.

All things considered, the Rose Garden was certainly the proper setting for the event. That’s because when Obama was done flapping his gums, the White House gardeners immediately shredded his speech and were able to use it as fertilizer.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

A Nuclear Arsenal Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

Obama insists that in spite of Putin’s body language, their private conversations are often very productive. Indeed they are. For Putin, that is. Without his lifting a finger to help us when it comes to Iran, Syria and Edward Snowden, Obama has agreed not to supply Poland with a promised anti-missile system, has agreed to diminish our nuclear arsenal and, for all I know, agreed to subscribe to Pravda.

If it were up to me, we would have used a few nukes to curb Islam long before now. Just because the jihadists don’t wear uniforms or carry flags is no reason not to let their host nations understand that certain rotten activities will inevitably result in very unpleasant consequences.

Besides, someone recently sent me photos of modern day Hiroshima. Far from being a nuclear wasteland, it appears to be a thriving metropolis. In fact, it suggests that just as Nero apparently burned down Rome in order to clear it of slums and rodents, a well-placed nuke might be the only way to brighten Detroit’s future.

Why, I’d like to know, are people like John McCain so eager to oppose the Egyptian military? Would he raise the same loony objections if the Iranian military got rid of the mullahs or the Russian military disposed of Putin? The Egyptian military got rid of Morsi, who, although he managed to win a democratic election, quickly showed himself to be the front man for the Muslim Brotherhood.

And arguing, as McCain does, for a reconciliation of secular Egyptians with the Brotherhood is moronic. But, then, it would take a self-righteous pinhead like McCain, the fellow who argued against the very enhanced interrogation practices that ultimately led to the elimination of Osama bin Laden, to call for it.

McCain speaks out against Islamic terrorists, but like Obama, he seems blissfully unaware of the fact that they often go by other names than Al Qaeda.

Speaking of people who seem unqualified to speak as authorities, Chip Saltsman and Joe Trippi recently appeared on Chris Wallace’s Sunday morning show to speculate on upcoming elections. Mr. Wallace introduced them as veterans of presidential campaigns. Technically speaking, they are that. After all, Mr. Saltsman managed Mike Huckabee’s ill-fated primary campaign in 2008, while the older Trippi spearheaded the failed campaigns of Ted Kennedy, Walter Mondale and Howard Dean, among others. But wouldn’t it make more sense to have the guys who managed winning campaigns pontificating on Fox?

I readily confess that I have very little interest in professional football and basketball, but at least even I get why other people might be fans. But when it comes to soccer, I’m at a total loss. I mean, I can see why those in third world countries might grow up being aficionados. After all, the only things required are a large empty field and something round, maybe a melon or an animal skull, to kick around. But why an American would ever follow the so-called sport is beyond me. The game requires stamina, but so do marathons and sitting through an Obama speech, but nobody ever claimed those were spectator sports. In fact, one of the few activities that require even greater stamina than playing a game of soccer is watching a game of soccer.

I am still hearing from people who are taking me to task over my defense of the NSA by pointing out that, after the scandals involving Operation Fast and Furious, Benghazi and the IRS, the present administration is not to be trusted. Of course I never said anything about trusting Obama. But the thing to keep in mind is that tyrants such as Stalin, Hitler and Mao, didn’t require electronic data to imprison or kill anyone they considered suspicious. If collecting phone numbers helps prevent another 9/11, I’m all for it and I don’t consider my civil liberties lost or even diminished. It just seems to me that blind distrust is every bit as naïve, and perhaps even more dangerous, than blind trust.

I know that some of you, especially those living in places like Massachusetts, Washington and Illinois, are convinced you live in liberal-run asylums posing as states. But, believe me, compared to California, you might as well be living in Utah or Oklahoma.

For instance, our governor, Jerry Brown, just signed Assembly Bill 1266, which will allow transgender youths to use whichever bathroom and participate on whichever team they feel most closely matches their gender identity.

Still not convinced? Okay, people who are trying to give up nicotine by using the product known as e-cigarettes will no longer be allowed to smoke them in public places or even in their own homes. In case you’re unfamiliar with the item, it provides ex-smokers with the tactile experience provided by cigarettes, but replaces the tars and nicotine with water vapor. The stated reason — hold on to your hats! – is because of the unknown health risk! As we all know, you can’t be too careful when it comes to those pesky, cancer-causing, water vapors.

I guess the next item on the liberal agenda will be to do away with baths, showers and Niagara Falls.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.