Pin the Tail On the Donkeys

While watching Bill O’Reilly recently, I got to see one of those public service ads calling for the U.S. to set a good example by unilaterally disposing of its nuclear stockpile. It was another of those self-aggrandizing productions where unnamed Hollywood celebrities take turns reading a small portion of the ad copy. In this case, the notables, otherwise known as the usual suspects, included Michael Douglas, John Cusack, Danny DeVito, Naomi Watts, Martin Sheen, Robert DeNiro, Matt Damon, Whoopi Goldberg, Alec Baldwin and Morgan Freeman.

One could just picture Kim Jong-un, Vladimir Putin and the Ayatollah Khamenei, sitting together in front of the tube. At the end of the spot, the Ayatollah turns to Putin and says, “Well, if Danny DeVito is opposed to nuclear proliferation, that’s good enough for me.”

When they turn to Kim, he shakes his funny head, and says, “I’m almost persuaded by Whoopi and Morgan, but I need to hear from Dennis Rodman before I scuttle our nuclear program.”

After airing the commercial, O’Reilly asked Julia Huddy for her opinion. She said she liked the spot, and announced that the group behind it was bi-partisan. Where does Fox News get these people? Do they have a hire-the-mentally- handicapped program I don’t know about. It would certainly explain why the likes of Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, Leslie Marshall, Bob Beckel and Juan Williams, are all collecting a regular Fox paycheck.

Doesn’t it even occur to Ms. Huddy that if the group were bi-partisan, we might have seen Jon Voight, Ted Nugent, Chuck Norris, Pat Sajak, Jamie Farr, Gary Sinise, Pat Boone or Bruce Willis, somewhere in the mix of talking heads?

Perhaps Ms. Huddy is simply under the impression that bi-partisan means composed of both males and females.

Speaking of the mentally challenged, anybody who believes that the Clintons and the Obamas are chummy must be sniffing glue. The only reason that Obama made Hillary his secretary of state is because David Axelrod, whose Bible is “The Godfather,” took to heart Don Corleone’s admonition to keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.

I happen to be one of those conservatives who thinks the NSA not only has the right to mine all those phone numbers, but a moral obligation. But even I think that just about every institution responsible for this nation’s safe-keeping has been doing a lousy job. That would include the FBI, Homeland Security and even the U.S. military.

How else do you explain Nidal Hasan and the Tsarnaev brothers getting away with all their carnage? The Tsarnaev family allegedly sought political asylum from Chechen, but Tamerlan, the older brother, nevertheless went back for several months and, even with the Russians warning us he was a jihadist, our security agencies turned a blind eye to him. As for Hasan, he did everything but propose marriage to Osama bin Laden, but the Army let him run loose until he blew his chances of ever becoming a general by murdering his fellow soldiers.

The Germans, at least, have wised up when it comes to Obama. As a candidate, he drew a crowd of 200,000. Five years later, it took special invitations, and I believe a chance to win a new Mercedes in a drawing, to bring out 4,000 people. Not since the days of the Monkees has public favor been lost this quickly.

After a conservative group calling itself Media Trackers tried without success for 15 months to achieve tax-free status from Internal Revenue, they changed their name to Greenhouse Solutions and were approved in three weeks. Juliet asked, “What’s in a name?” So far as Obama’s IRS is concerned, the answer apparently is everything.

The irony of the abortion debate in this country is that, by and large, liberals are lined up in favor of them, while conservatives are almost universally opposed, except in cases of rape, incest and when the life of the woman is in jeopardy. The ironic aspect of the division is that, thanks to the likes of Kermit Gosnell, George Tiller and the crew at Planned Parenthood, a huge percentage of those 50 million little victims will never have the opportunity to grow up and vote for Democrats.

That proves that if you’re only willing to make the effort and search for it, there is nearly always at least a sliver of a silver lining.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write