“If I Were Emperor” and “A Bush League Candidate”

For several years, Barack Obama insisted that he didn’t have the constitutional authority to change our immigration laws. No matter how Hispanics put the question to him, his answer was always the same. He kept pointing out he was the president, not the emperor. Then one morning he woke up, discovered an ermine robe hanging in his closet, and decided that he was either the star attraction in a gay musical revue or he was the emperor, and decided that either way he had the authority.

Well, I don’t have anything better than a flannel bathrobe in my closet, but I would certainly like to be able to make or remake the laws to my liking. And to start with, I would pass a law ensuring that no congressional bill would ever run more than two pages or deal with more than a single issue.

It is simply too easy to shove everything including the kitchen sink into one of those 1,500 page monstrosities, knowing that nobody in Congress is about to spend a month reading the damn thing, meaning that, in the immortal words of Nancy Pelosi, people will simply have to pass it to find out what’s in it.

We all know that these gargantuan pieces of legislation are merely Trojan horses used by both parties to conceal pork and to play politics. How many times have we heard that the Democrats will tie, say, military allocations into bills dealing with things they need Republican support to pass? And, let me add, vice versa. I say let each and every bill stand alone. If either party can’t muster the votes to pass its pet legislation, we can probably live without it.

For the longest time, I was aware that certain high-profile people have only a passing acquaintance with the English language. I mean, it’s downright embarrassing listening to most Hollywood celebrities, professional athletes, members of the Black Congressional Caucus and pinheads like Patty Murray, Barbara Boxer and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, attempt to express a single coherent thought.

Recently, I had occasion to add to the list Bill Cosby, who chose to refer to the two dozen accusations of rape as “innuendo,” and Jonathan Gruber, who dismissed the numerous occasions when he called Americans stupid for believing the lies about ObamaCare as his attempt at “glibness.” As any dictionary would have been only too happy to explain, being glib is to be facile and linguistically fluent. I, Herr Gruber, am glib; you, on the other hand, are a lying piece of egotistical chicken poop.

Speaking of liars, Obama strove to put the best possible face on partisan hack Sen. Feinstein’s CIA-flaying report by declaring, “When we do something wrong, we acknowledge it.” Come again? This putz hasn’t even come clean about his travel visa or his college application from 35 years ago, let alone Benghazi, the IRS targeting of the Tea Party or his unconstitutional reversal on amnesty.

While the widow and the daughter of Eric Garner have gone out of their way to state that in their opinion, the unfortunate death of their husband and father at the hands of white police officers had nothing to do with racism, we had Obama and his lackey Eric Holder leading a crusade against so-called racial profiling. The irony is that if such profiling is a sin, it’s one the president and his attorney general never tire of committing, so long as those being profiled are white men wearing blue uniforms.

Instead of attacking racial profiling, how about suggesting to those allegedly being profiled that Muslims stop waging war against all us Jewish and Christian infidels; that Hispanics stop sneaking across our border and making themselves wards of the American taxpayer; and that urban blacks stop committing violent crimes at a rate far exceeding their percentage of the population?

Something else that I would like to see changed is the kid glove approach that the media adopts with our presidents. I didn’t like it when the press pretended that FDR wasn’t an invalid. I also didn’t approve of the media’s concealing the fact that JFK, who not only suffered from back problems that had him addicted to pain pills, still managed to carry on like an over-sexed fraternity boy. It didn’t help that in addition to winking at his sexual shenanigans, they propagandized on his behalf by showing him posing for Hallmark cards at the Kennedy compound, pretending there was nothing he enjoyed more than playing touch football with his dysfunctional clan.

The media also provided cover for Clinton, who was not only a sexual predator, but had a foul mouth and a hair-trigger temper. But the media conspired to portray him as a good old boy who was all “shucks” and “golly gee whiz,” and could have stepped right out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

The only reason I now know that Barack Obama behind closed doors is even more appalling than the one I’d come to despise over the years is because news reporter Ann Compton is retiring after 40 years of underreporting the news for ABC, and finally let on that Obama hurls obscenities at members of the media who even dare refer to his numerous scandals as scandals.

For reasons that elude me, my wife and I continue to receive requests, seemingly on a daily basis, to donate to Ben Carson’s bid for the presidency. As I’ve written in the past, I have nothing against the man. He has a pleasant voice, we agree about ObamaCare, and he seems like a nice guy. But, heck, the very same things can be said about me, and I know I’m not qualified for the job.

I’m sure Dr. Carson would advise people who haven’t attended medical school not to perform surgery, but he thinks someone who has never even been a mayor is just what we need in the Oval Office. Isn’t it enough that we’ve gone down this amateur road before with Herman Cain and Barack Obama?

Finally, every time I see Arabs and Muslims firing their guns into the air, I’m reminded once again that these schmucks are so backward, they’ve never even heard of gravity.


A Bush League Candidate

I must confess I wasn’t surprised that Jeb Bush announced that he is considering making a run for the GOP nomination in 2016. When properly translated from politician-speak that means that nothing short of a nuclear bomb will derail his ambition. But when all is said and done, I can’t help being fascinated by his apparent strategy.

Inasmuch as he has essentially rubberstamped Obama’s granting clemency to illegal aliens and endorsed Common Core, his plan, I take it, calls for him to receive the nomination after losing every single Republican primary and then going on to win the general election when a lot more idiots are allowed to vote.

I imagine the Democrats are as anxious for Jeb to head up our ticket in 2016 as we are to have Hillary Clinton carrying the banner for the pinheads. If both sides get their wish, it could be the first time in history that “None of the Above” receives more votes in a presidential election than either of the candidates.

Speaking of wretches named Clinton, someone should remind Bill that Eric Garner isn’t dead because he sold untaxed cigarettes, any more than Hillary’s husband was impeached and disbarred for having sex with a White House intern. In Garner’s case, he wound up on a slab because he resisted arrest. In Clinton’s case, it was because he committed perjury while testifying before a grand jury.
But I guess when you’ve spent your entire adult life spinning the truth and sucking up to minority voters, those are tough habits to break.

It seems a court affiliated with the European Union has concluded that Hamas, whose charter calls for the extinction of Israel, is not a terrorist organization, as we’ve all been led to believe…mainly by their terrorist activities. But, then, most of the European nations have had a warm place in their hearts for any group, no matter how odious, that hated Jews as much they did.

In related news, the member states of the EU have determined that Adolph Hitler wasn’t really evil, but merely misunderstood.

A reader, Brian Harmon, sent me a report that measured the business ethics in four nations, Mongolia, Japan, Korea and the United States. The respondents were business leaders who were asked to compare the rise or decline of ethics over a 10 year period. In the case of Mongolia, they were comparing 2010 to 2000; the Japanese were comparing 2004 to 1994; the Koreans, 2005 to 1995; and the Americans, 2000 to 1990.

The Mongolians were split 50-50 between those who felt things had improved or remained the same and those who saw a decline. In Japan, the good outweighed the bad 84% to 16%. In Korea, a mere 0.8% thought ethics were getting worse, while a resounding 99.2% thought things were getting better or at least staying the same. In the U.S., however, a scant 14.3% saw improvement, 50.3% thought things were getting worse.

Keep in mind that the polling of our business leaders took place in 2000. One can only imagine how awful the numbers would be today, with the schools, the media and a great many parents having had an additional 14 years in which to undermine traditional values, compounded by six years of Obama’s cynical, self-serving lies and immoral scandals.

Consider that in New York City, Mayor Bill De Blasio (born Warren Wilhelm, Jr.), who, like Obama, is a former community organizer, has accused the NYPD of being a gang of racists, even though, in the words of the old American Express slogan, he never leaves home without them. But it just goes to prove that once a community organizer, always a putz.

Black thugs and white morons clog up New York’s streets, chanting “What do we want? Dead cops! When do we want it? Now!” And the best that the city’s mayor can muster is a resounding “Yeah, me, too!” It’s no surprise that a great many New York police officers are now signing documents in which they state that if they should die in the line of duty, De Blasio is forbidden from attending their funeral services.

But none of this should come as a surprise to the voters in New York, who knew that this schmuck was a communist lamebrain when they gave him 73% of their votes, and would no doubt do the same today. Some of us assumed that New Yorkers couldn’t do much worse after electing Michael Bloomberg to three terms, but it just goes to show that one should never be too quick to overestimate the intelligence of the New York electorate.

Speaking of morons, even though I try to avoid watching football and basketball games on TV, there has been no way to avoid seeing LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers and a bunch of Cleveland Brown players wearing their “I Can’t Breathe” t-shirts. Clearly they can all breathe. Therefore, a more appropriate sentiment would have been “I Can’t Think.”

The world of technology has now come up with the Luce X2 Touch TV vending machine. Apparently it has the ability to identify customers and remember their snacking patterns. That enables the machine to deny would-be customers certain items it deems unhealthy for them. It sounds as if the folks at Luce have somehow managed to turn nanny Bloomberg into a annoying little vending machine.

It’s reassuring to know that some research scientists have retained their sense of priorities and aren’t wasting all their time seeking a cure for cancer.
Finally, I am happy to report that I have received hundreds of holiday greetings from my readers, some of whom take pains to wish me a Happy Chanukah instead of a Merry Christmas. For the record, I actually prefer Christmas, which has been a national holiday for as long as I’ve lived and will continue to be one, no matter what the ACLU claims to the contrary.

What’s not to love? The music, both sacred and popular, is great. The decorations are beautiful. .The classic Christmas movies are among the best films ever made. Plus, the sense of universal brotherhood is quite moving, even for those of us who actually had older brothers and should know better.

Let’s face it — you Christians know how to throw a holiday!

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@fastmail.com.




“Notes From My Bunker” and “To Impeach Or Not To Impeach”

One of my readers is given to sending me messages fraught with anger and frustration over news items related to the ever-increasing amount of madness in the world. In his last communique, he let me know that it was getting to be too much for him to bear and that he had resorted to listening to more music and less news. I wrote back to report that my wife, who is addicted to Fox News, will sometimes switch it off in order to lower her blood pressure by watching cooking shows and old movies.

I then acknowledged that I’m lucky because when the bad news begins to overwhelm me, I sit down and write another article ridiculing liberals or Muslims. And lately, I added, it’s become increasingly difficult to distinguish between the two villainous groups.

Speaking of those who should be bombed back to the Stone Age, except for the fact that they’ve never really emerged from it, I have noticed that even Fox has focused far more sympathetic attention on the Palestinians than on the Israelis. That might be the inevitable result of their stationing their Middle East correspondent Conor Powell in Gaza rather than in Tel Aviv. I have begun to suspect that Mr. Powell, who wears a helmet to protect himself from Israeli bombs, has become a victim of the Stockholm syndrome. Inevitably, he has begun to empathize with those who are being bombed today instead of those who have been under missile attack for the better part of the past decade. But, then, we know that even Fox is not impervious to the media motto that dictates that if it bleeds, it leads.

If the Israelis want to start garnering a little sympathy, they have to stop using the Iron Dome defense system to bring down Palestinian missiles. And if they station women and children in targeted zones, I’m sure they’ll do even better in the PR war.

Of course if they really want the world’s pity, at least for a week or so, they can simply roll over for the Muslims in Gaza, Syria and Iran, and allow themselves to be wiped off the face of the earth.

In what passes for stupid even by her own Olympian standards, Nancy Pelosi had the gall to say: “According to Qatar, Hamas is a humanitarian organization.” So, even though most of the civilized world, including the United States, has declared Hamas a terrorist organization, the House minority leader is willing to go on TV and seriously parrot the words of one group of Muslim terrorists about another.

But, then, in what must go down as one of the oddest moments in human history, we have America’s Secretary of State John Kerry siding with Hamas and the terrorist gang’s supporters in Qatar and Turkey, while Egypt, Saudi Arabia and most of the Middle East, sides with Israel.

The fact that there are demonstrations against Israel in particular and the Jews in general all over Europe is no surprise. For one thing, many of the demonstrations are led by the demented followers of Islam. For another, anti-Semitism is part of Europe’s DNA. Far more troubling is the fact that there have been scores of similar demonstrations here in America.

It makes me wonder about some of you parents: When you see your college-age sons and daughters out in the streets carrying signs condemning Israel for trying to protect herself from enemies sworn to destroy her, some of their signs equating Israel with Nazi Germany, do your hearts swell with parental pride? Do you pat yourselves on the back because you’ve allowed leftwing, anti-American, Jew-hating professors to fill their heads with sewage?

Were you too busy playing golf or watching “The Survivor” to pay any attention to the crap with which they were being indoctrinated as far back as grade school? Did it not give you pause when over 70% of young people voted to re-elect Barack Obama? Did you at least have second thoughts about having spared the rod and, instead, applied discipline through time-outs, which consisted of exiling the kids to bedrooms that could pass for Toys-R-Us outlets? Did you waste time pumping up their self-esteem while neglecting to even consider their lack of values, logic or commonsense?

Finally, I have come up with what I think is a vast improvement on the tax system. Whether it’s a Fair Tax or a Flat Tax, I think we’d all be a lot happier if we could direct our payments to those parts of the government we personally support. So, for instance, conservatives could apply theirs to building up the military and providing more generous pensions for our veterans.

For their part, liberals could apply theirs to, say, financing Barack Obama’s vacations or Nancy Pelosi’s Botox injections.


TO IMPEACH OR NOT TO IMPEACH

Even before Sarah Palin called on the GOP House to institute impeachment proceedings against Barack Obama, I suggested it, so long as they held off until after the mid-term elections. That’s because I didn’t want anyone to be distracted from the Affordable Care Act or any of the numerous scandals associated with this administration.

It wasn’t that I believed the Senate, whether controlled by Harry Reid and the Democrats or by a post-January GOP majority would actually vote Obama out of office. What I wanted was for all those millions of people who manage to get through life while paying no attention to politics to finally have no place left to hide. When a president is being impeached, even those who spend most of their time watching “American Idol,” “Perry Mason” re-runs and fishing shows can’t help but absorb some unpleasant facts through osmosis.

I see no other way for these human ostriches to learn that all those scandals – ranging from Operation Fast & Furious to the Internal Revenue’s targeting of Republicans, from the Benghazi massacre to Obama’s shredding the Constitution in order to legislate from the Oval Office – aren’t as phony as Obama keeps insisting they are.

One of my readers, Joe Vincent, agrees with me. Quoting religious leader Max Lucado, he wrote to say: “It is never wrong to do the right thing.” Even so, timing matters, which is why I want to wait until 2015 to have the right thing done..

I understand that there are those, including Charles Krauthammer, John Boehner and Michael Medved, who disagree with me when it comes to impeachment. They believe that such an action could bite the Republicans in the butt because the Democrats would label them racists. To which I say, so what else is new? If a conservative so much as admits he prefers white meat to dark meat at Thanksgiving, he’s called a bigot.

It’s time for Republicans to grow up and quit sniveling every time a demented liberal calls them names. My suggestion is to consider the source, pull on your big boy pants and move on.

I realize that the impeachment of Bill Clinton proved disastrous for the GOP and did a lot to help the Democrats gain congressional seats in the 1998 mid-terms. But that was then and this is now. For one thing, the economy was zipping along in 1998, and although that had less to do with Clinton than with Newt Gingrich and the House Republicans, it accrued to his benefit. For another thing, say what you will about Clinton, he comes off as a good old boy. Obama comes across as an arrogant schmuck whose domestic agenda has put a brake on our economic recovery and whose foreign policy has alienated America’s friends and emboldened our enemies.

In addition, although he was guilty of perjury, Clinton’s defenders in Congress and the media could make it appear that he was being persecuted by Puritans over his sleazy private life. The proceedings quickly took on the appearance of a French sex farce, with the prosecutor, Kenneth Starr, in the role of a vengeful wife, while Hillary Clinton cast herself as Bill’s loyal drinking buddy, ever ready to provide an alibi, while simultaneously blaming a vast rightwing conspiracy and trashing every woman who ever dared complain about his boorish antics.

Finally, while it’s quite true that Clinton’s impeachment made him a sympathetic character for a great many people and helped fuel the Democrats’ unprecedented mid-term victories in 1998, Krauthammer, Boehner and Medved, seem to have overlooked the fact that it hardly proved fatal to the GOP, which managed to win the presidency two short years later against the incumbent vice-president.

Speaking of the Clintons, Hillary is still kicking herself in the backside for trying to come off as a typical housewife worried sick over the future when she insisted that she and Bill were flat broke in 2001 – or at least as broke as two people could be when they had tens of millions of dollars’ worth of impending book deals and speaking fees just waiting for them to turn off the lights and put the key under the White House welcome mat.

The same golden future, I regret to say, will face the post-presidential Obamas. But even they wouldn’t have the audacity to claim they’re broke when they check out because they already had about ten million bucks when they checked in, and we taxpayers have been picking up the tab ever since.

Although the Obamas won’t be leaving their current digs for another two-and-a-half years, I think it’s safe to predict that, come January, 2017, while they’ll be far from broke, they’ll still be as morally bankrupt as the day they moved in.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.