“Jumping the Fence” and “Clarity About Charity”

Recently, Omar Gonzalez and Kevin Carr were arrested for hopping over the White House fence. Gonzalez made it all the way inside, proving that Ronald Kessler wasn’t just whistling Dixie when he wrote in “The First Family Detail” about all the corners the Secret Service has been cutting over the past several years, just so that the directors can take bows for cutting costs.

On the other hand, when you realize how Obama and the Democrats have conspired to erase our borders, it seems hypocritical that they can encourage millions of aliens to trespass in America, but feel entitled to throw the book at a couple of guys for daring to trespass in Obama’s temporary digs.

Some people have been astonished at the ease with which Gonzalez and Carr carried off their stunt. But that’s nothing compared to the ease with which Barack Hussein Obama managed to sneak into the White House.

Recently, a city in Florida passed an ordinance that banned the wearing of low-riding trousers that exposed at least two inches of underwear or buttocks. But the NAACP got it rescinded, claiming it profiled black men. Being a fan of irony, I live for such moments, because I would say that the real profiling was done by the NAACP. After all, it wasn’t the city fathers who said that only blacks would be precluded from making that stupid fashion statement. It was the NAACP that jumped to the conclusion that blacks would be the group the council specifically had in mind. The real question is why the NAACP would wish to embarrass itself by endorsing black brats flashing black butts in public.

Speaking of embarrassing, John Harding recently let me know that in 1830, there were 3,400 black slave owners in America. I have no idea how many descendants they had over the next 184 years, but it does raise the very real possibility that when a black thug mugs a white person in 2014, it could very easily mean that someone whose ancestor was a slave owner is beating up someone whose ancestor fought and possibly died to free the slaves.

But, then, Democrats don’t really mind embarrassing themselves because they have no sense of shame. Otherwise the Chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, wouldn’t have ever dreamed of describing conservatives as wife-beaters. For the life of me, I don’t know how people like Wasserman-Schultz, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, wind up being the public face of a major political party. With her out of control curls, Debbie resembles a Jewish Medusa. Come to think of it, she is every Jewish guy’s nightmare, reminding him of the one and only blind date he ever let his beloved grandmother arrange.

Being Jewish myself, it’s a constant source of shame that so many of my fellow Jews bring ridicule and scorn on their fellow religionists. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had gentiles ask me how it is that we seem to have an endless source of people like Ms. Wasserman-Schultz, Barney Frank, Henry Waxman, Chuck Schumer, Brad Sherman, Barbara Boxer, Al Franken, David Axelrod, Rahm Emanuel and Rahm’s brother, Ezekiel.

In case Ezekiel Emanuel isn’t as well known to you as the others, he is Obama’s go-to guy when it comes to the Affordable Care Act. He helped create it and he has spent the past few years defending it. Without actually coming out and admitting that ObamaCare calls for death panels, he has said that it would shave medical costs and save health care for the young, if the elderly would make do with pain killers and refrain from having life-saving operations performed. Emanuel, who is 57, claims he plans to die when he hits 75. But I don’t believe him. After all, he also said ObamaCare would save people a ton of money and that, if they liked them, people would be able to keep their doctors and their insurance policies. (Where do you think Obama first heard it?)

It so happens I’ll be turning 75 this January (the 5th, in case some of you like to get your gift –shopping done early), but even if I were turning 25, I’d find his remarks revolting. But what I’d really like to know is what his parents think about it. You see, Ben and Marsha are well up in their 80s. If their other sons ask them what they’d like for Chanukah, they might consider asking for a food-taster.

The thing that surprises me the most about liberals is how stupid they are. I don’t just mean they’re wrong on all the issues. That’s a given. But they really are ignorant. For instance, they seem genuinely unaware that if you raise the minimum wage from $7 to $10 or even $15, as the pinheads have done in Washington, most employers are going to fire a majority of their low-skilled workers rather than shell out $20,000- $30,000-a-year.

They also seem surprised to discover that if employers are going to be penalized under ObamaCare for having more than 50 employees working more than 30 hours-a-week, they will simply limit their employees to 49 and make certain that nobody works more than 29 hours-a-week.

But, then, their grasp of economics is so pathetic that they’ve never understood that if you raise the rate on corporate taxes, the corporations will merely pass the burden on to those paying for their products and services.

How stupid are liberals? Well, it seems that 2% of them believe Obama’s been too tough on the Islamic State. Too tough? How can anyone be too tough when it comes to those beheading Americans and Brits on TV?

In one of his biggest lies, Obama announced that the Islamic State was neither Islamic nor a state. As proof, he provided the bromide that no religion condones the killing of innocent people. For good measure, we had the prominent theologian John Kerry parroting the refrain that Islam is a religion of peace.

Whether it’s Muslims, Hispanic intruders or black race hustlers, our leaders are reluctant to ever speak truthfully about bad behavior when it involves people of color.

It led some wag to refer to the African-based Ebola epidemic as the disease of peace.

Clarity About Charity

I acknowledge that charity is one of the virtues, but I have a hard time accepting the way it works. For one thing, I don’t know why people often insist that it be anonymous. To me, a critical part of accepting charity is to express gratitude to the giver. Otherwise, or so it seems to me, people will inevitably come to accept it as their due.

I also do not understand that which strikes me as charity in perpetuity. For instance, every time I turn on my radio I’m hearing commercials calling for donations to feed the poor in Haiti. I’m told how little it will cost me to feed x-number of Haitian kids for x-number of months for x-number of dollars. But inasmuch as I’ve been hearing these same commercials for years now, I keep wondering how it is that nobody has ever taught Haitians how to fish and how to grow their own crops. Is this an entire nation that relies entirely on the generosity of American radio listeners in the same way that generations of Americans have come to depend on the largesse of the American taxpayer?

When I heard that two people had actually broached security at the White House, my first thought was that my friend, Ronald Kessler, had bribed them in order to hype sales of his recent “The First Family Detail.” I even sent him an email accusing him of coming up with a great marketing strategy. After all, if you take anything away from his terrific book, aside from confirmation that Jimmy Carter and the Clintons are as putrid a trio of human beings as you can imagine, it’s that the most recent directors of the Secret Service will gladly take a cleaver to the department’s budget in order to make themselves look good. In that respect, they are exactly like the administrators at the V.A., who didn’t care how many military veterans died, so long as they could make themselves look efficient.

My idea of a great administrator was the late Admiral Chester Nimitz. Richard Ryan called him to my attention after reading a book he purchased at the shop connected to the USS Arizona Memorial in Hawaii. The book, Nimitz’s “Reflections on Pearl Harbor,” relates how Nimitz was attending a concert in Washington, D.C., on December 7th, 1941, when he received a phone call from FDR, telling him he was to assume command of the Pacific Fleet.

When Nimitz landed at Pearl Harbor on Christmas Eve, he found such devastation that it would have been easy to imagine the Japanese had already won the war in the South Pacific. After touring the harbor and cataloging the sunken battleships and naval vessels cluttering the waters, a disheartened young helmsman asked Nimitz what he thought.

The Admiral said, “The Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack force has ever made. Mistake number one was that they attacked on a Sunday. As a result, ninety percent of the crewmen were ashore on leave. If the same ships had been lured to sea and been sunk, we would have lost 38,000 men instead of 3,800.

“Mistake number two: When the Japanese saw all those ships lined up in a row, they got so carried away with sinking them, they never once bombed our dry docks. If they had destroyed the docks, we would have had to tow every one of those ships to America to be repaired. Instead, the ships are in shallow water and can be raised, and a tug can haul them over to the docks. They can be repaired and back at sea in the same time it would have taken us to haul them back to the States.

“Mistake number three: Every drop of fuel in the Pacific theater of war is in top of the ground storage tanks five miles away on the other side of that hill. One attack plane could have strafed those tanks and destroyed our entire fuel supply.

“I’d have to say God was looking out for America.”

One of the ironies of life is that we have a president who spends most of his time at fund-raisers, hitting up liberals at $35,000-a-plate dinner at the same time that Democrats whine about people like the Koch brothers and Sheldon Adelson destroying the republic and the election process by doing what they can to level out the playing field. But the fact of the matter is that the Obama campaign out-spent John McCain by $300 million in 2008 and out-spent Mitt Romney by $150 million in 2012. The sad fact of the matter is that while the Democrats continue to claim theirs is the party of the poor and the middle class, the only time they care about anyone but themselves and their fat cat supporters is at election time. And don’t think for a minute that they don’t resent having to bow and scrape to those they regard as suckers and bumpkins in pursuit of their votes.

Speaking of liberals, back on September 11th, I wrote a letter to Governor Jerry Brown. After all this time, I have to assume he has chosen not to reply. If he changes his mind, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, this is what I wrote:

“Dear Governor Brown: You seem like a bright enough fellow, and yet in spite of polls showing that most people in the state now oppose the construction of a train running between San Francisco and L.A., you continue to push for it.

“Why on earth would you want to squander billions of dollars on a train that very few people will ever use because, one, the drive only takes about six hours and, two, once you reach your destination, you still need to rent a car.

“The train seems to be nothing more than a make-work project to keep the unions happy. But why waste the time and money on a project you must know will ultimately be referred to as ‘Jerry’s Folly’ when you could do something useful with all that money and still satisfy the unions by building a system of dams?

“After all, drought, as even you must be aware, is a recurring problem for everyone in California, except, perhaps, for the folks at Sparkletts.”

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

“Pimping For The President” and “Lobbying For Islam”

There are any number of jobs that I couldn’t handle physically, such as being a professional athlete or a bouncer at a nightclub; and some I wouldn’t consider because of moral objections, such as being a criminal defense attorney.  But, after reading Ron Kessler’s latest book, “The First Family Detail,” there’s one I couldn’t handle for any number of reasons, and that’s being a Secret Service agent on a presidential detail.

I mean, imagine swearing to take a bullet or several bullets intended for Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton or Barack Obama.  From having read Kessler’s earlier “In the President’s Secret Service,” I already knew that being assigned to protect Jimmy Carter, John Kerry or Hillary Clinton was tantamount to a prison sentence because of their blatant contempt for those sworn to sacrifice their lives for them.  But when it came to guys like Kennedy, Johnson and Clinton, the day-to-day job had less to do with protecting them against assassins than it did with making sure the First Ladies didn’t trip over their various bimbos.

Speaking of which, I had a good laugh recently when a bevy of Hollywood bimbos whined that hackers had managed to upload their nude photos and send them out on the Internet.  It seems to me that if you feel the need to take selfies of yourself in the buff, hackers are the least of your problems.

Frankly, I see little difference between all this and the nudity they often display in their professional lives on screen, aside from the fact that they aren’t compelled to defend this form of exhibitionism as essential to the plot of some cinematic stinkeroo.

I’m reminded of a comic strip I saw a while back.  Two guys are seated at the counter of a restaurant filled with people engrossed in photographing themselves and one another on their electronic devices.  The first guy says, “I read that the government wants to install cameras everywhere to record our every move.”  His companion, the only person in the room not focused on one of those ubiquitous gizmos, skeptically replies, “Scary.”

Something I have never understood is why whenever someone on TV, be it Dean Martin in the old days or Bill Maher today, indicates a great fondness for booze or marijuana, the audience feels called upon to laugh knowingly.  Is it intended to show that they, too, like nothing better than killing off as many of their brain cells as is humanly possible?  Or is it supposed to make them seem sophisticated in spite of the fact it only makes them seem like teenage bumpkins?

Speaking of bumpkins, in 2007, Sen. Barack Obama announced, “The world will have confidence in America when I’m the president.”  It’s bad enough that events have proven him to be as wrong as a person could be, but imagine the gall, the hubris, the sheer loopiness, required to make such a grandiose pronouncement.

Clearly, we have a commander-in-chief who is every bit as delusional as John Hinckley, who not only believed that actress Jodie Foster would be smitten with him if he could somehow manage to assassinate Ronald Reagan, but never even considered just sending her flowers and a box of candy.

I suspect that even if you’d pointed out to Hinckley that Ms. Foster was a lesbian, he’d have dismissed that as a mere hiccup.  Instead, like Joe E. Brown in “Some Like it Hot,” when his beloved Daphne (Jack Lemmon) finally whips off his wig and confesses, “I’m not even a woman,” Hinckley would have said, “Nobody’s perfect.”

But, clearly, every time Obama gazes into a mirror, he finds reason to disagree with Joe E. Brown, even if nobody else does.  I mean, what can he possibly be thinking when an American journalist is beheaded in Iraq and he flies off to yet another fundraiser?  And when a second journalist is beheaded a week later, he’s the only person in America who not only isn’t screaming for blood, but doesn’t even take a moment to offer the man’s family the nation’s condolences.

Instead, when he went on TV to admit that even a year after ISIS turned up on our radar and quickly became our worst nightmare he didn’t have a strategy to deal with the savages, the best he could come up with was the banal “We don’t want to put the cart in front of the horse.”

“Mr. President, forget about not having a strategy to annihilate these barbarians,” I would have loved to have said to him, “you don’t have a horse and your cart has a broken axle and four busted wheels.”

In other news, it appears that O.J. Simpson has decided to become a Muslim.  Some cynics claim this is the latest bit of evidence showing Simpson to be psychotic.  However, I, who always like to think the best of people, have an alternate theory.  I’m sure we all recall that, upon being acquitted in 1995 of murdering Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, Simpson vowed to track down the real killers, and if he hadn’t been distracted by golf, loose women and being arrested for robbery and kidnapping, he just might have done it.

By converting to Islam, I believe Simpson thinks it will make it easier for him, once he’s released from jail in 2017, to resume his relentless pursuit of the villains if, perchance, they managed to elude him 19 years ago by scooting off to Yemen, Syria or Qatar.


Lobbying For Islam

As you may have heard, when Obama finally got around to announcing that he thought the Islamic State was almost as dangerous as John Kerry, Joe Biden, Chuck Hagel and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Martin Dempsey, had been insisting it was for several weeks, the first thing he did was tell us that the enemy was neither Islamic nor a state.
One could argue whether the area the terrorist group controls, an area the size of Belgium, is really a state. But, then, one could argue whether Belgium, a place the rest of us have only heard of because it was the birthplace of Agatha Christie’s fictional detective, Hercule Poirot, is a state.

What is not open to debate is whether an outfit that calls itself the Islamic State is or isn’t Islamic. The argument Obama made was that “ISIS is not Islamic because no religion condones killing innocents.” The problem is that Islam doesn’t consider Christians or Jews as innocents; it regards them as infidels whose very existence is an affront to Allah, and killing them is therefore nothing less than a religious obligation.

Making matters worse, Obama seriously went on to describe Yemen and Somalia as proof that his foreign policy has been a rousing success. That would be like Ben Affleck bragging about “Gigli” or the French pointing to the Maginot Line as proof of their military prowess.

The question that occurs to me, as it has ever since 9/11, when George W. Bush decided his mission in life was to take the heat off Muslims by constantly insisting that “Islam is a religion of peace,” is why our leaders feel compelled to lie about our enemies.

Even when Major Hasan murdered and maimed more than 30 people at Fort Hood, the current administration insisted that in spite of his being a self-proclaimed jihadist who screamed “Allah Akbar” as he slaughtered his victims, it was just another unfortunate example of workplace violence and had nothing to do with Islamic terrorism.

What is it about Islam, which can best be described as a wolf in wolf’s clothing, that has our commanders-in-chief mincing words and pussyfooting around the truth? Just for the record, Voodoo is practiced by about 60 million people worldwide. If it was practiced by a billion, would our presidents feel obliged to speak respectfully of a belief system that involves the sacrificing of goats, sheep and dogs, and the drinking of animal blood?

When you get right down to it, Voodoo has far more to recommend it than Islam. For one thing, they go in for a lot of dancing. For another, although I definitely disapprove of slitting the throats of dogs, it beats slitting the throats of women, children and American journalists, and personally, I’ll take a good old-fashioned zombie over a jihadist any day of the week. For one thing, unlike the Islamic propagandists in CAIR, they don’t get dressed up in Armani suits and go on TV, trying to fool people into thinking they’re civilized human beings. For another thing, zombies always shuffle, making it easy to out-run them.

If there’s one thing to be grateful for when it comes to the Islamic State, it’s that it’s run by dummies. I mean, they had a safe haven in Syria and they were marching through Iraq the way that Sherman zipped through Georgia, and not only was nobody in Europe or the Middle East raising a finger to stop them, but Obama was dismissing them as the junior varsity. It was nothing but clear sailing until the arrogant bastards decided to start videotaping their beheadings. Obviously, their intention was to terrify the world into a paralytic state, but, as they should have known, that is always the state of the world when it comes to confronting evil.

However, rather than leave bad enough alone, they did something so barbaric, so in keeping with the demented cult dreamed up by Muhammad 14 centuries ago, that once people quit vomiting, even Obama, who speaks softly and carries a limp wrist, figured he better do something.

But as usual, Obama, to whom a declaration of war in the Middle East would be absolute proof that his foreign policies have all been a pile of mush, had no real idea what to do. After all, it doesn’t look good when, on August 8th, you’re telling everyone that arming the Free Syrian Army is a nutty notion because they’re all just a bunch of “doctors, farmers and pharmacists,” and, on September 10th, your big plan calls on them to do our fighting in Syria.

So far as I’m concerned, it is always a rotten idea to trust Muslims to fight on your side. We saw how well that worked in Afghanistan, where Afghan soldiers killed nearly as many American soldiers as the Taliban did; and again in Libya, where we trusted our so-called allies to provide security for our consulate in Benghazi.

Still, when one hears Obama pooh-pooh citizen soldiers, one has to wonder if he and his speechwriters are totally unaware of American history or if he’s merely expressing his contempt for the rag tag group of doctors, farmers and pharmacists, who somehow managed to send the Redcoats back to England with their tails between their legs?

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.

Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Biden, Baloney & Beheadings

On the chance that for one reason or another Hillary Clinton decides not to run in 2016, Joe Biden wants us all to know that, after spending most of his adult life at the public trough, he is willing to sacrifice his golden years to being president. It’s worth noting that he would be 72 years old when he’d move into the White House, meaning he would be 80 when he moved out. One look at Obama’s white hair should remind everyone that even a president who’s always taking off for Martha’s Vineyard or Hawaii, seems to age at supernatural speed.

Inasmuch as I’m 74, I wouldn’t want to hold his age against him, especially when there are so many other, even more compelling, reasons Biden shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the Oval Office, even as a member of a tour group.

For one thing, although he was sold to us in 2008 as a man with a great deal of experience when it came to foreign affairs, as a senator he was inevitably wrong. And for the past six years, his chief function was cheerleading for the worst president in U.S. history. Will any of us ever forget the moment when the biggest potty-mouth in Washington leaned in close to Obama’s left ear and told him that the Affordable Care Act was “a big f—–g deal!”

In “The First Family Detail,” Ron Kessler’s latest book about the Secret Service, Kessler reminds us that in 2011, Obama put Biden in charge of cutting government waste. As executive decisions go, that ranks right up there with putting a fox in charge of the White House chicken coop. At least a fox wouldn’t cost taxpayers a quarter of a million dollars a year flying between the coop in Washington, D.C., and his den in Wilmington, Delaware. Furthermore, I very much doubt that — unlike Biden — any self-respecting fox would charge the Secret Service $2,200-a-month for the cottage that the agents assigned to protect him are forced to rent.

This is the same vice-president who spent Labor Day telling UAW members in Detroit: “It’s time to take back America.” His rallying cry drew predictable cheers from the assembled louts. But how is it possible that not even one person in the crowd raised his hand and asked, “Do you mean take it back from you and Obama?”

A Missouri state senator, Jamilah Nasheed, has been all over TV, insisting that Robert McCulloch can’t be trusted to prosecute the Michael Brown case for the novel reason that he didn’t win a majority of the black vote. I found that fascinating because Barack Obama didn’t win the majority of the white vote in 2008 or 2012. In fact, no Democratic presidential candidate has done so since LBJ back in 1964, which explains the Democrats’ endless pandering to black voters during the half century since then.

One of my readers, Penny Alfonso, has suggested that one of the most over-used expressions in America is the one that goes “We need to have a national conversation about (race) (guns) (police violence),” pointing out that, in spite of what Eric Holder claims to the contrary, we already have these conversations. They take place all the time at dinner tables, in the workplace, in taverns, ballparks and churches.

The fact is I hear from more people than most congressmen. What’s more, they hear back from me. In my experience, writing to one’s representative is a waste of a postage stamp. You either get a canned one-size-fits-all-occasions note or nothing at all.

Generally, when people call for a national conversation, they, like Attorney General Holder mean, shut up, listen to my litany of grievances, apologize for being (a racist), (a misogynist), (a homophobe), (a patriotic gun owner) or (a Christian) and admit the error of your ways.

Equally annoying is the statement to which so many members of this sleazy administration are addicted: “I can’t possibly comment in the midst of an ongoing investigation.”

Frankly, I don’t know why people decide to run off and be war correspondents, but I would suggest that anyone who decides that his destiny demands that he venture into Middle East conflicts pack a poison pill along with his toilet paper and bottled water. It would sure beat getting beheaded by some Muslim creep. And it certainly makes for a better obituary than one that happens to mention that your last words were propaganda statements attacking America.

Speaking of the Middle East, the king of Saudi Arabia recently said that people shouldn’t support terrorists. I’m not sure if you file that one under Irony or Hypocrisy. After all, the Saudi royal family has been paying off Muslim extortionists for decades in the hope that the Islamic alligators will eat them last.

Between Russia, China, North Korea, Iran and Syria, the world has become a very wicked place. But the truth is that since 1988, we’ve elected two Bushes, one Clinton and an Obama. So not only haven’t we been part of the solution, we’ve been a major part of the problem. I would suggest that you’d do better than that quartet by randomly picking four names out of the phonebook.

And as much joy as I get from kicking Obama in the shins every chance I get, and ridiculing his constant need to be playing golf and attending fundraisers, the only people I know who think they’re entitled to take five week summer vacations are the French and the members of Congress.

But at least the French know how to speak French, whereas most members of Congress can barely ask for directions to the bathroom in English.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
Tune in at K4HD.com His Call-in Number is: (818) 570-5443

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.