“America Is Tied To The Train Tracks” and “Anti-Semites & Other Ignoramuses”

During the silent movie era, every villain eventually tied every heroine to the railroad tracks. Just in the nick of time, the hero would gallop up on horseback and free her just before the 4:20 out of Joplin came barreling through. Once in a while, it would be Rin Tin Tin who untied the knots with his teeth, a trick not even Tom Mix ever mastered.

These days, the progressives have hogtied America and it grows increasingly unlikely that either man or beast would be able to rescue her.

Judging by an article titled “Readin’, Writin’ and Social Justice Agitatin’,” written by Michelle Malkin, it appears that our schools are even in worse shape than most of us imagined. In cities across the nation, magnet schools whose curriculum is geared to promoting “social justice” have begun springing up. Their mission statements read like something out of the Saul Alinsky playbook, mired with such brain-numbing verbiage as “helping students to develop the necessary skills to analyze and synthesize information and to generate empathy by looking to multiple sides of important issues facing the world, be that hunger, water quality, racial barriers, child labor or imbalance of power.”

In other words, these schools are looking to make certain that America never lacks for clones of Barack Obama. Imagine a generation of youngsters coming of age with a belief that America and capitalism are evil, collectivism is good. The only good thing about these schools is that the kids will be somewhat handicapped in life by the fact that they won’t be able to read, write or do math.

There are so many things that are rotten about liberals, running the gamut from their arrogance to the foolishness of their ideas, from their love of chanting while marching around in circles carrying placards bearing simple-minded slogans to their lack of historical knowledge, that it’s hard to decide which of their failings is worst. But if forced to pick just one, I’d probably go with hypocrisy.

After all, it shouldn’t be too much to ask for a little consistency between their words and their actions. I mean, really, shouldn’t a professor who spends his class time railing against capitalism have his salary slashed to the bone? Shouldn’t a Caucasian journalist who constantly harps on the disadvantages faced by minorities have to surrender his job to a black or a Hispanic? Shouldn’t women who claim men should have no say when it comes to female reproductive rights insist that Roe v. Wade, which was made the law of the land by an all-male Supreme Court, be reversed? And shouldn’t liberal pinheads who label cops bigoted goons be denied the right to call them in an emergency?

In case you’re one of those people who wonder why it is that so many Hollywood actors and actresses seem so loony, a partial answer may be found in the fact that Michelle Pfeiffer, Tom Cruise, Rose McGowan, River and Joaquin Phoenix, Glenn Close and John Travolta, were all raised or have spent years in very peculiar cults. And in this instance, I’m not referring to the Democratic Party.

As a Jew, it is a source of great shame that there are about 35 Jews in Congress and now that Eric Cantor is gone, every single one of them is a left-wing moron. And when you realize how much power and seniority people like Dianne Feinstein, Brad Sherman, Chuck Schumer, Barbara Boxer, Henry Waxman, Richard Blumenthal, Carl Levin, Bernie Sanders, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Al Franken, have, you can’t help thinking how much good they could have done if they’d all been brought up as Republicans. So I blame the parents.

In case you missed the news, Obama picked Ron Klain to be the Ebola Response Coordinator. When you realize this is the same bumpkin who appointed the likes of Hillary Clinton, Chuck Hagel, John Kerry, Rahm Emanuel, Kathleen Sebelius, Eric Shenseki, Elena Kagan, Sonia Sotomayor, Valerie Jarrett and Eric Holder, to positions of authority, it’s not too surprising that Obama chose a guy with no medical experience to be the Ebola czar.

However, when you know something about Mr. Klain’s background, you’ll better understand how he got the job. Twenty years ago, Klain was Janet Reno’s chief of staff. He’s also the political hack who greased the rails so that the extremely partisan Ruth Bader Ginsburg had no trouble at all moving from her controversial job as chief counsel for the ACLU straight to the Supreme Court.

Finally, Mr. Klain has served as an advisor to Vice President Al Gore and was Vice President Joe Biden’s chief of staff.

Actually when you think about it, a political operative who has spent most of his adult life in close proximity to the likes of Janet Reno, the Clintons, Al Gore and Joe Biden, may be just the person to be point man when it comes to dealing with toxic organisms.

Finally, a reader, Robert Thomason, sent me an email in which he opined that whether it’s at the top of the GOP ticket or in second position, there’s a strong possibility that Jeb Bush, whom neither of us favor, would be on it in 2016.

When Thomason explained that since 1928, the GOP had not won a single presidential election that didn’t have either Nixon or someone named Bush on board, my first response was that he was nuts. But after running the past 23 elections through my head, I realized that the only ones the Republicans had won were in ’52 and ’56 (Eisenhower & Nixon), ’68 and ’72 (Nixon & Agnew), ‘80 and ’84 (Reagan & Bush), ’88 (Bush & Quayle), ’00 and ’04 (Bush & Cheney).

The oddest thing of all is that most of us are unaware of the fact that royalty is apparently alive and well in America.


ANTI-SEMITES & OTHER IGNORAMUSES

As is usually the case, the mainstream media ignored what in a different time would have been a major news story. It seems that in Valenton, a city on the outskirts of Paris, the French once again took the opportunity to display its legendary hatred of Jews by naming a street in honor of Marwan Barghouti, a Palestinian terrorist serving time for murdering five Israelis.

They weren’t even dissuaded by the fact that a couple of his victims had been born in France. But, then, like the Nazis with whom so many Frenchmen collaborated during WWII, the prevailing attitude is that you can be either French or Jewish, but you can’t be both.

It seems that Mr. Barghouti had already been granted honorary French citizenship by a large number of French towns and cities. So far as the French are concerned, Barghouti is a liberator, which is exactly how millions of their fathers and grandfathers regarded Hitler.

In somewhat related news, a Palestinian recently murdered a Jewish baby in Jerusalem. Naturally, I blame the killer, but I also blame the Israeli government. It seems that the killer had already served time for terrorist activity, but had been released. So long as Israel doesn’t make terrorist activity a capital offense, the politicians should be held accountable for all such acts of recidivism.

In Canada, a few days after one Muslim crashed his car into two Canadian soldiers, killing one, another shot and killed a second Canadian soldier and then attempted to shoot up Parliament. Fortunately, the sergeant-at-arms, a former police officer, shot and killed him before he could add to his Islamic resume.

The facts are these: one, the shooter had changed his name from Michael Joseph Hall to Michael Zehaf-Bibeau; two, he had converted to Islam, and three, ISIL had recently transmitted orders to the Islamic faithful to murder as many soldiers in Canada and the U.S. as possible. And yet, the politicians and their craven allies in the media once again pretended that a jihadist’s motives were unknown.

Closer to home, we have been bombarded with tributes to newspaper editor Ben Bradlee, who had just died at the age of 93. Most of the gushing involved his time at the Washington Post when he oversaw the work by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein during their endless coverage of the Watergate scandal.

Having been in my 30s at the time, I felt it was a molehill of a story that would have stayed that size if Richard Nixon hadn’t allowed his ego and paranoia to turn it into a Mt. Everest-sized scandal.

It seems that a few political operatives decided to burgle the office of the Democratic National Committee in the Watergate complex. Why anyone was curious what a party on the verge of losing a presidential election by 18 million votes, and an Electoral College margin of 520-17, was up to is a mystery for the ages. If Nixon had been half as smart as people claimed he was, all he needed to do was insist he knew nothing about what the Five Stooges had been up to, and that would have been the end of it. But, of course, being a politician, his instinct was to deny, lie and cover up.

But even back then, I couldn’t figure out why Bradlee, Woodward and Bernstein, were being hailed for their courage. As an editor and reporters, they risked nothing and stood to gain fame, fortune and the ability to brag that they’d brought down a president. The one person at the Post who risked anything was the publisher, Katharine Graham. She was the only one of the four who stood to lose friends and social standing because in her circle, unlike theirs, Richard Nixon was a popular president and not the sewer rat that editorial cartoonist Herblock had been portraying him as for the previous quarter century.

Usually when people quote Santayana’s line about those who fail to learn from history being doomed to repeat it, they’re referring to ancient history. But it seems that some of us have memories that are so short they could dance under a table wearing a top hat. I refer to the scary fact that in just the past two years, eight different states have made it possible for people with terrible credit scores to buy homes with minimum down payments.

I’m sure that those of you old enough to remember all the way back to the 2008 bursting of the real estate bubble are scratching your heads. But the explanation is quite predictable. It seems that the consumer loan industry has gone on a bribing binge. As I said, so far it has worked in eight states. If your state isn’t one of them, it’s safe to assume it soon will be. State legislators really hate being left out in the cold when the slop is being tossed to the other pigs.

Speaking of swine, it seems that, according to Barack Obama, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton, the greatest threat facing us isn’t Ebola, ISIL, Vladimir Putin, the Iranian mullahs or even Jim Carrey movies; it’s income inequality.

As silly as that sounds, what’s even sillier is that those sounding the alarm, namely, Obama, Reid, Pelosi and Clinton, are all multimillionaires, all very comfortably –even luxuriously – ensconced within the 1%, the very group that Democrats never tire of demonizing.

Of course it also happens to be the only group in America that can afford those endless $35,000-a-plate dinners Obama spends his non-golfing days attending.

It’s no surprise that Democratic big wigs are hypocrites and that they lie, sometimes it seems, just to stay in practice. But what I don’t understand is why all the Democratic little wigs pretend not to notice.

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at Noon Pacific Time.
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©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.




Lucy At The Candy Factory

Burt’s Webcast is every Wednesday at 1 PM Pacific Time.
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In one of her classic comedy bits, Lucille Ball, as Lucy Ricardo, once got a job working on the conveyor belt packing chocolates. Every few seconds, the belt would speed up and she started packing the chocolates in a panic. Some went into boxes, others went into her mouth and still others went down the front of her dress.

There are times I feel like poor, bedraggled Lucy. The news just keeps getting worse and worse and it keeps coming our way faster and faster, and none of it tastes anything like chocolate.

For instance, people call Obama a dictator, and with good reason. After all, he keeps trampling on the Constitution, treating the House as if it were more like a motel. And with a disregard even for the optics, he employs the IRS and the EPA as his personal bully boys, using them to punish conservative groups and those companies whose owners have neglected to contribute to his political campaigns.

But he is a dictator unlike all others. Whereas Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, Chavez and Putin, all wanted to make their countries stronger, this schmuck has done his best to weaken America by destroying our economy, mucking up our health care system and dividing us along racial, class and gender, lines.

And lest we didn’t get the message, he’s not only made us the laughingstock of the world by constantly drawing red lines in invisible ink, but he appointed as his Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel, a knucklehead who had a truly undistinguished career in the Senate, marked only by contempt for Israel, and a bias against the military that is nearly the equal of Obama’s. So nobody should be too surprised that Hagel is leading the charge to cut the Army back to its pre-World War II numbers. But, then, who wants to squander tax dollars to finance a robust military when Russia, Iran, China, Syria, Yemen and North Korea, all have shown themselves to have only our best interests at heart?

Domestically, we could be making major advances if only companies stopped demanding or even requesting that their potential employees come armed with college degrees.

For one thing, colleges no longer help teach their young charges how to think. In fact, the opposite is true. Unless the students are prepared to regurgitate the nonsense fed them by socialist pinheads, they run the risk of not even graduating.

For another thing, most jobs can be mastered in a matter of months, if not weeks.

For a third thing, outstanding student loans now total $1.2 trillion, and, frankly, there aren’t that many outstanding students. Why do people who are going to be nursery school or grammar school teachers, social workers or, in fact, any liberal arts major, need to spend four or five years in college?

For that matter, the first four years of college are merely a way to separate parents from their hard-earned savings. Those who wish to become scientists, doctors, dentists, architects or engineers, should go directly from high school to high tech trade schools, saving themselves a lot of time and money.

I say if a person can learn to fly a military jet in a matter of months, a human being should certainly be able to learn how to be an accountant or an insurance agent in less than a year. And if a person intends to become, God forbid, a politician or go to work for the State Department, I would think he or she could master lying, cheating and stealing, without wasting three years in law school.

Finally, I read a study that confirmed something I’ve been saying for years; namely, that older people start forgetting things not because their brains are rotting away, but because they’re jam-packed with so much stuff.

It’s like moving into a house with an attic. Early on, everything is stored neatly and is easily accessible. But over the years, as the family begins tossing old clothes, photo albums, board games and furniture, up there, things start getting messy. For all their good intentions, old magazines start getting mixed up with picnic hampers and Nehru jackets. Neatness becomes clutter, clutter morphs into chaos. So good luck when you actually need to find something. Eventually, assuming you’re not one of those unfortunates plagued with dementia, you will come up with the long-discarded item — or the misplaced word — you’re searching for, but it might take a while.

Democrats, of course, don’t have the same problem. Their attics tend to remain as pristine as the day they moved in, completely empty, except, perhaps, for a few old Jimmy Carter bumper stickers, a stolen copy of Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals” and a lot of spider webs.

©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.




Surrounded By Knuckleads

If I were only as oblivious to the news as so many of my fellow Americans are, I have no doubt I would sleep a lot better than I do. For instance, when I bet on Mitt Romney last year, it wasn’t because I was unaware that Obama was leading in the polls, but because I couldn’t accept that in spite of a gruesome economy, a foreign policy that benefitted our enemies and harmed our allies, and a socialized medicine plan that would destroy the best health care system in the world, the electorate would ignore the evidence and re-elect Obama.

Proving it was no fluke, recent polls indicate that two out of three Americans think the treaty with Iran that gains us nothing, but serves to legitimatize their nuclear program and free up seven billion dollars that they can use to sponsor terrorism around the world, is reason to celebrate.

As cynical as I tend to be, even I find it frightening that so many millions of my fellow countrymen clearly have excrement for brains. In a way, this level of stupidity is truly breathtaking and, in a very bizarre sense, more impressive than anything else about Obama’s minions.

Although I like to think I have a well-developed sense of prescience, I can’t swear that I knew for certain that the fellow who heckled Obama when he was delivering his 498th speech about immigration reform was a plant, but I sure suspected that it was at least as non-kosher as a cheeseburger and didn’t smell nearly as enticing.

My suspicions were based on a few things. The first is that he was standing behind Obama, playing his role as a human prop. Nobody winds up serving as a background curtain who hasn’t been totally vetted. For another thing, nobody but a shill would be treated so patiently. As you recall, Obama, whose skin is thinner than a blade of grass, was the epitome of patience, encouraging the young man to vent so that he could sadly explain that there are some things even a despot can’t do without the cooperation of Congress. Never mind that none of those things include giving billions of tax dollars to his major contributors, postponing ObamaCare for unions and businesses or cutting deals with Iranian mullahs.

As it turns out, the heckler was a Korean named Ju Hong who had recently graduated from the University of California, at Berkeley, and is probably on Obama’s short list for judicial appointments. In the meantime, he gets to take his proud place alongside those young women who pretended to faint at Obama’s campaign stops in 2008, and whose great-grandmothers used to be paid by PR flacks to “swoon” at Frank Sinatra’s performances in the early 40s.

The amount of fraud perpetrated by Obama must make every conman in America gnash his teeth in envy. It even sets the bar high for his fellow politicians. But that doesn’t stop some from trying. Bill de Blassio, the new mayor of New York City, pretends that by eliminating the Stop and Frisk program devised and carried out by the NYPD under both Rudy Giuliani and Michael Bloomberg, civilization will make a belated return to Gotham. But, short of Batman coming out of retirement, Del Blassio has to know that the murder rate and overall crime rate will soar. But because he’s an old school leftie, he knows that in a city such as his, perception trumps reality, and that all of New York’s Jews and Puerto Ricans will regard the new policy as compassionate.

As an outsider, I can only hope that the inevitable victims will not be innocent tourists, but, instead, will be limited to the balmy liberals who elected this weasel. But, to be fair, they only voted for Del Blassio because Hugo Chavez, Che Guevara, Fidel Castro and Saul Alinsky, weren’t on the ballot.

The fact that even now so many academicians are touting the benefits of ObamaCare proves conclusively that as someone, possibly George Orwell, once observed, “There are some ideas that are so stupid, only an intellectual would take them seriously.”

Recently, in Sweden, a 65-year-old man was acquitted after being arrested for jacking off on a public beach. The court ruled that he had committed no actual offense because he wasn’t directing his activity at any one person in particular. I suppose, using that logic, Obama could actually beat the rap for the Affordable Care Act, but only, I trust, if he was lucky enough to have Judge Svenssen on the bench.




Election, 2016

When it comes to the possible GOP presidential candidate three years hence, the names we hear most often are Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Chris Christie. For some reason, possibly because he was part of a losing ticket in 2012, you don’t hear much about my personal favorite, Paul Ryan. What I fear most is that whoever emerges victorious from the bloodbath known as Republican primaries will resemble the survivor of a train wreck after all the other contenders have had at him with brickbats, blackjacks and broken bottles.

In the meantime, unless some catastrophic medical issue, such as a burst appendix or an inflamed ego, sidelines her, the other side will try to finish off Obama’s eight year attempt to radically transform America by lumbering us with eight years of Hillary Clinton. Although, based on her own words (“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”) I don’t think she has the constitutional right to serve a third term, but, apparently, in light of Obama’s election and re-election, the Constitution no longer applies when it comes to Democratic candidates.

In light of the fact that Mrs. Clinton stands an even better chance of being the candidate in 2016 than she had in 2008, it bears being reminded of who it really is that lurks behind the endless array of pantsuits and frozen smiles.

To me, she has always resembled a Gorgon. Those were the three sisters, Medusa, Stheno and Euryale, in Greek mythology who had snakes for hair, and if you looked into their eyes, you were turned to stone. And never has she been more Gorgon-like than when she appeared before the congressional committee earlier this year and, referencing the murders of Ambassador Chris Stevens and his three courageous associates, attempted to display moral outrage by growling: “At this late date, what difference does it really make who killed them?”

But that was merely the latest of her unfortunate, but revealing, remarks. She also said: “It is a violation of human rights when babies are denied food, or drowned, or suffocated, or had their spines broken, simply because they are born girls.” How odd that in attacking China’s despicable birth policy, she was unaware that by extension she was attacking Planned Parenthood’s anti-birth policy.

Other reminders that she was an acolyte of Saul Alinsky can be found in the following Clintonisms: “We’re going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.” “It’s time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity.” “We can’t just let business go on as usual, and that means something has to be taken away from some people.” “We have to build a political consensus, and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own in order to create this common ground.” “I certainly think the free market has failed.”

But the arrogant disregard for the values that shaped America did not begin or end with her husband’s election in 1992. As a 27-year-old, Hillary Rodman was fired from the Watergate investigation by Jerry Zeifman, a lifelong Democrat who supervised her work with the House Judiciary Committee. When asked why he gave her the boot, Zeifman said: “Because she’s a liar. She’s an unethical, dishonest lawyer. She conspired to violate the Constitution, the rules of the House, the rules of the committee and the rules of confidentiality.”

In addition, Hillary wrote a brief “that was so fraudulent and ridiculous,” Zeifman was convinced she would have been disbarred if she had submitted it to a judge. Imagine, Chelsea could have wound up with two disbarred lawyers sharing her Thanksgiving turkey.

It probably comes as no big surprise that a few years earlier, young Hillary Rodham decided to spend a summer interning for the Oakland law firm known as Treuhaft, Walker & Bernstein, even though its offices were 2,500 miles from Yale. Do you think the attraction might have been the fact that two of the partners were or had been members of the Communist Party, and the client rolls included a number of their fellow party members, along with draft resisters and, naturally, this being Oakland in the 70s, the Black Panther Party?

One can only assume there hadn’t been an opening that summer at Hillary’s first choice: the law firm of Dewey, Cheatum & Howe.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.




Dracula, Frankenstein and a Lib Walk Into a Bar

In all the old horror movies, the master villain always had an assistant. More often that not, his name was Igor. He tended to lurch and he was usually a hunchback. I always wondered how he got the job. I mean, how would you go about finding someone who’d round up a human brain at a moment’s notice? Was it by referral? Did they hook up during Career Day at the Academy for the Criminally Insane? Did he answer an ad in the New York Times?

Nowadays, I ask similar questions regarding politicians. Who put them up to it? What made a harridan like Nancy Pelosi ever think that people would actually vote for her? And how was it that Harry Reid, a pickle puss who looks and sounds like he was born to play Uriah Heep, ever imagined he’d carve out a successful career in a profession that, at the very least, usually requires a modicum of charm and civility?

Speaking of mysteries, why is it that Obama’s approval numbers remain in double digits? Here’s a guy who not only lied about uniting blacks and whites, young and old, liberals and conservatives, but lied to his own base about shutting down Gitmo, providing illegal aliens with a general amnesty and getting rid of the military policy of “Don’t ask/ Don’t tell.”

On top of all that, what, I wonder, did you all make of his recent declaration that the U.S. and Iran have mutual interests in Afghanistan? Are he and Mahmud Ahmadinejad planning to co-produce “Karzai! The Musical!” on Broadway? And what comes next, an announcement that Russia and the U.S. have mutual interests in Czechoslovakia, Georgia and Poland?

To give you an example of how smitten the loonies on the left are when it comes to Obama, members of the UAW gave him an ovation when he said that Ford’s adding workers at its Chicago plant was proof that his bailing out Chrysler and GM saved the auto industry. As my friend, Don Melquist, a retired ironworker observed: “That’s like suggesting that Ford, which rejected the bail-out, wouldn’t be selling so many cars if Chevys and Chryslers weren’t also available. Obama might as well say that people would stop buying Pizza Hut pizzas if Dominos closed its doors.”

I don’t know where Barack Obama studied economics, but I suspect the teaching staff consisted of Saul Alinsky and Tim Geithner, along with tenured professors Larry, Moe and Curly.

Other current heroes on the left include Shirley Sherrod and Michael Bloomberg. It appears now that Mrs. Sherrod, who suffered the hardship of being unemployed for about 30 minutes before receiving a phone call from the president offering her Joe Biden’s job, is not quite as saintly as she’s been portrayed.

Ron Wilkins, a liberal black civil rights leader, infiltrated the New Communities farm commune back in the mid-70s. It was a commune managed by Shirley and her husband, Charles. Among other things, Wilkins discovered that the black work force, which included a great many children, were paid an average of 67 cents-an-hour, were constantly exposed to pesticides, were often forced to work at night, and were fired if they complained.

For good measure, Cesar Chavez’s far left-wing United Farm Workers joined in the condemnation of the Sherrods and their so-called commune.

When it comes to hypocrites, you would think we had already reached the saturation point. But the way the left keeps churning them out like sausage links, I can only imagine that some very odd place I’ve never heard of, and never wish to visit, must have a large standing order.

Consider Michael Bloomberg, if you will. Here’s a man who, combining the mental agility of a Joy Behar with the eloquence of Barney Fife, has taken it upon himself to teach Americans in general, and New Yorkers specifically, what religious tolerance is all about. Even though he’s the mayor of the city where Muslims slaughtered nearly 3,000 innocent Americans, he has given the Bloomberg seal of approval to the erection of a gigantic Islamic mosque next to Ground Zero.

It would be bad enough if the mayor was merely a run-of-the-mill left-wing moron. But according to the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, Bloomberg’s self-hyped ecumenical spirit has its limits.

For instance, Bloomberg has consistently opposed putting a nativity scene alongside a menorah in New York City’s public schools.

In 2007, when an “artist” created a huge vulgar “Chocolate Jesus” and sought to place it in a street-level gallery during Holy Week, Bloomberg, when asked about it, voiced no objection.

He also maintained his silence when Anthony Malkin, owner of the Empire State Building, decided not to join with other skyscraper owners in a tribute to Mother Teresa.

Finally, when a federal district court ruled that the Bronx-based Household of Faith, an inner-city Christian church, had the right to hold religious services on Sundays in a New York City school, Bloomberg’s administration sued to block the ruling.

In George Orwell’s “Animal Farm,” the evil pig, Napoleon, declares that under his rule, all the animals are equal, but eventually gets around to pointing out that some animals are more equal than others.

Now, far be it from me to call the mayor a pig. However, I’ve always felt that if it grunts like a pig, rolls around in mud like a pig and answers to “sooey, sooey, sooey,” the chances are you could safely stick an apple in its mouth, pop it in the oven and invite the Crachits over for Christmas dinner.

©2010 Burt Prelutsky
Write to: BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.
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