Enough With The Damn Gates

Is it too much to ask that the media stop adding “gate” to every political scandal? Has everyone forgotten that Watergate was actually the name of the building where Nixon’s plumbers, who clearly channeled their inner Three Stooges, broke in to the DNC headquarters. I mean, if the place had been, say, the Park Sheraton, would every subsequent scandal have had “Sheraton” pinned to it? I suppose I should be grateful that the recent furor over the former Defense Secretary’s expose wasn’t labeled Gatesgate.

Still, I say 40 years is long enough; it’s time for the media to move on because it has become something of a tritegate.

We all know that Obama is a wienie, the sort of kid we all knew in junior high school who received daily wedgies. Still, how is it possible that President Rouhani boasts after signing the abominable peace treaty, ”The west surrendered to the will of Iran,” and our president doesn’t immediately cancel the deal carved out by John Kerry and the other five dwarves?

Iran’s defense minister celebrated the occasion by laying a wreath at the tomb of the jihadist responsible for killing 241 U.S. Marines in 1983, and Obama responds by calling those senators who wish to impose harsher sanctions on Iran if it doesn’t abide by the treaty as “warmongers.”

Even if we forget impeachment for a minute, is there nobody in Washington who can give this schmuck the super wedgie he’s been begging for?

Speaking of Iran, its major news agency claimed that documents leaked by Edward Snowden provide “incontrovertible proof that an alien intelligence agenda is driving America’s domestic and international policy.” To which I say, “Well duh! And, what’s more, we re-elected the alien!”

I confess I thought I was caught in a time warp when, in response to those questioning the wisdom of signing the agreement with a rogue nation that not only allows them to continue its pursuit of a nuclear bomb, but tosses in seven billion dollars to sweeten the pot, Obama said we should “give peace a chance.” Suddenly, I thought I was watching “Back to the Future IV.” I expected he would next suggest we should “Make love, not war.” I thought that sort of swill had died with the 60s, along with such silly fads as bell bottoms, Nehru jackets and beads, and knuckleheads saying “groovy,” “cool” and “Some of my best friends are Kenyans.”

Our State Department keeps sending millions of dollars for reasons I can’t imagine to places like Nigeria. At the same time, I keep hearing from Nigerians offering to send me millions of dollars. It makes no sense. My suggestion is that the feds skip the middle man and send the money directly to me.

Speaking of waste, according to the Inspector General, Medicare spent $175 million between 2006 and 2011 on penis pumps. What’s with you people? Isn’t there anyone in America who still bowls or plays gin rummy?

The current administration spends more and more time talking about the vanishing middle class and less and less time changing its policies in order to deal with the problem. Ever since FDR showed them how it was done, the Democrats have relied on a dependent constituency in order to win elections. They pay lip service to a middle class, but the only members of it they’re concerned about are those enrolled in public sector unions, from whom they receive votes and tithings.

The fact of the matter is that the real middle class doesn’t just have a financial identity. In spite of what liberals will tell you, it’s also a way of life. It consists in part in education and learning a skill – whether the end result is a brain surgeon or a plumber – being law-abiding, forsaking illegal drugs and not having babies until you’re married and can afford to raise them. In addition, members of the middle class tend to be patriotic, not out of chauvinism, but because they sincerely believe in the exceptional nature of the nation founded by the extraordinary likes of Washington, Madison and Jefferson.

Liberals assume you can ignore all those other things, though, and so long as the government provides people with $50,000-a-year, whether it’s through extended unemployment payments, disability checks, food stamps, a home purchased without a down payment or free health insurance, you can magically transform millions of welfare recipients into a stable middle class.

Another thing that Obama and his minions are wrong about is trying to use mass killings as a way to wage war on the Second Amendment. For one thing, when most normal people hear about these tragic events, they don’t say to themselves, “Something has to be done about those damn guns.” Instead, they say, “The shooters were obviously mental cases. Why didn’t any of their relatives, friends, teachers or psychiatrists, get them to an asylum before they blew their corks?”

The next thing they say, assuming they’re not liberals, who also shouldn’t be allowed to run around loose, is, “I wish to God there had been someone in the neighborhood who could have plugged the maniac before his final tally reached double digits.”

Finally, with all the tacky sex scandals that politicians get involved in, you would think that adultery was part of the job description. Therefore, my advice to any woman who’s seriously considering marrying one of these twerps is that she forget about registering at any of those stores specializing in fancy dishware and sterling silver. You can always buy your own dishes, toasters and teapots. Instead, you’d be much better off registering at a local gun shop.

©2013 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.

Rubio Reaches for Water — Crime of the Century

Rubio WaterIn 1983, when the outrageously flamboyant Edwin Edwards was running for governor of Louisiana he joked with reporters that “The only way I can lose this election is if I’m caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy.”  He wasn’t caught with either, and as predicted, he won.

Now it appears that there’s another way to lose an election, even when you’re not running for anything.  All you have to do is reach a little too far for a sip of water while you’re making a speech on national television.

No explanation is necessary, I suppose.  Everyone by now knows about Marco Rubio’s gaffe during his response to the president’s State of the Union speech.  And yes, my conservative friends, it was a gaffe.  A rookie mistake.  If you’re going to drink water during a speech, have it somewhere in the same zip code.

But this gaffe had absolutely nothing to do with the content of the speech.  Unfortunately, nobody remembers very much about the content of the speech.  All they remember is the awkward reach for a sip of water.

Yes, we are all inhabitants of an incredibly shallow culture, where such trivia is considered newsworthy.  Before you could say “Watergate,”  MSNBC ran the clip 155 times.  CNN ran it 34 times.  Fox ran it a mere 12 times.

Even the serious journalists said stupid things.  While Wolf Blitzer incredibly wondered, “So, can a drink of water make or break a political career?” the CNN graphic at the bottom of the screen that said:  “Career ender?” After a while, CNN said they were just having fun.  Sure.

Brian Williams, the NBC anchor, called the sip, the televised moment from last night that just might live on forever.”  He may be right.  But what he didn’t say is that if it does live on forever it will be because people like Brian Williams have decided that it needs to live on forever.

Then, as is often the case, the video clip made its way from the mainstream media to the TV comedians, with Leno, Letterman, Stuart, Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel all getting into the act.

Kimmel asked, “Why was the water so far away? It would have been less awkward if [Rubio] reached down the front of his pants to get it.”  Letterman ran a picture of Rubio (the one above) with the caption: “That looks presidential, right?”

The next day, the network news morning shows ran a montage of the clips from the TV comedians the night before.  So let’s review:  the so-called mainstream media have a field day with trivial incident which then gets picked up by the TV comics, which then gets picked up by the so-called mainstream media, which made something out of nothing to begin with.  Eventually it seeps into the bloodstream of the American electorate, which is probably what this fascination with water was all about in the first place.

But the fascination with an incident that in other times wouldn’t even qualify as inconsequential, does tell us something quite consequential about today’s media.

First, it’s a safe bet that if their hero, President Obama, had reached for water in the exact same awkward way Marco Rubio did, the same gang would have praised him for being cool.  “He was thirsty,” Brian Williams, a big fan of the president, might have said, “so he reached for a bottle of water and took a sip.  What a guy!”

A few days before the incident, Time magazine put Marco Rubio on its cover with the headline “The Republican Savior.”  Rule of thumb:  When you’re a conservative and gain that kind of traction, when liberals in and out of the media begin to fear your influence, that’s when they’ll go after you.  They’ll even try to turn a reach for a sip of water into “Watergate.”

But this tells us something else unflattering about today’s media.  It tells us how incredibly shallow they can be.  This is the same crowd that barely touched the Benghazi story even though four Americans, including our ambassador to Libya, were killed.  That didn’t interest them very much.  Rubio’s water gaffe does.

And trust me on this:  It’s not over.  If Marco Rubio decides to run for president in 2016, you will be seeing his reach for that water bottle over and over and over again on television.  And there will be pundits who question whether a man who made such a terrible mistake could possibly make prudent decisions in the Oval office.

Remember: They only go after those they fear, the ones with influence.  And only if they’re conservative Republicans.  Otherwise you would have heard a lot more about those 57 states that Barack Obama campaigned in.

Could This Be Bye-bye Obama?

Political scandals come, and political scandals go, but they all smell the same.

I am going to go way out on a limb here, and predict that President Obama will be forced to resign from office before the end of his second term, because of Benghazi-gate, just as one of his esteemed predecessors, Richard Nixon, did because of Watergate.

It will be the last, nasty practical joke inflicted upon our country by this ill-natured, incompetent boob of a President – because look at who we will get as his successor!

I decided that Obama was bound to resign because I don’t think any presidency can survive more than four years of the fully justified drubbing that Obama already is receiving from the alternative media. His mishandling of our foreign affairs is exemplified, though not limited to, his mishandling of the Benghazi tragedy.
Being incompetent isn’t quite enough cause for impeachment, and Obama would never acknowledge that he is incompetent in any event. But when you add in the lies, the deceptions, the cover-up, and when all the gory details of this disgraceful shell game finally get disclosed, as they will, to the American public, you have a presidency that simply cannot remain viable.

I don’t know whether the worthless mainstream media, which in its more honorable days led the charge in ousting Nixon, will continue to “circle the wagons,” as Rush Limbaugh puts it, around their precious President. I still have enough belief in our nation’s journalistic tradition to assume that there must be some mainstreamers out there who will break ranks and join the better cause.

Where are all those young idealists who enrolled at journalism schools in record numbers after Watergate? Some of them are still batting away at their keyboards, and if enough of them decide to do the right thing, it will be Hello Again, Chicago for Obama and his lovely family.

It wasn’t until today that I mustered enough certainty to publicly predict Obama’s premature departure from the Oval Office. It happened when a reporter at his news conference asked Obama to respond to the attack by Republican Senators McCain and Graham on Obama’s United Nations ambassador, Susan Rice. The senators said they would do whatever they could to ensure that Rice, who has been mentioned as a possible successor to Secretary of State Clinton, does not receive that promotion, because of her involvement in Benghazi-gate.

Rice, you no doubt recall, went on five different Sunday political talk shows a week after the Benghazi attack, to spread the administration’s propaganda – which already had been thoroughly discredited – that the attack which killed our ambassador to Libya and three other Americans had been prompted by an anti-Muslim video. (The producer of the video has just begun a one-year term in a California prison, supposedly for parole violation. Yeah, right! This is just Obama’s kiss-up #546 to America’s enemies.)

Obama gallantly rode to Rice’s defense. He seems to have a bit of a thing for her. Michelle ought to take note.

Obama said: “…let me say specifically about Susan Rice, she has done exemplary work. She has represented the United States and our interests in the United Nations with skill, and professionalism, and toughness, and grace.”

Echoes of Watergate! Maybe you aren’t old enough to remember everything that went on during the Watergate drama, but I am, and I was following the events so closely at the time that every word of every participant has been forever etched in my mind. So, this is what I remember:

When Bob Haldeman and John Ehrlichman, two top White House staffers who had been implicated in the Watergate scandal, were forced to resign, Nixon went on TV and called them “two of the finest public servants it has been my privilege to know.”

Neither of those fine gentlemen, who wound up serving time in prison, was by any stretch of the imagination a “public servant.” They were Nixon’s personal servants, Nixon’s myrmidons.

Susan Rice and the rest of the lying cabal, including Obama himself, Hillary Clinton, Jay Carney and, sad to say, perhaps General Petraeus, are not public servants. They serve their own interests, exclusively.

Good riddance to the lot of them.  Better sooner than later, guys.