“The Nanny Media” and “Que Sera Sera”

We all know that Obama’s federal government wants to control us from the cradle to the early grave mandated by the Affordable Care Act, but they wouldn’t have nearly so easy a time of it if it weren’t for the complicit media. As I have said in the past, if I could control the media, I’d be willing to let the Democrats control the House.

I mean, look at the fawning way the media continues to treat Hillary Clinton even after she first boasted about how impoverished she and Bill were in 2001, at least for the first two seconds after leaving the White House before $20 million in book advances took effect, and then stated that “companies and corporations don’t create jobs.” If a potential Republican presidential candidate had tried to get away with such unmitigated nonsense, the media would turn him or her into a laughingstock. They managed to do it with Sarah Palin, even though the line about being able to see Russia from her front porch was delivered by Tina Fey during a “Saturday Night Live” sketch and never by Mrs. Palin.

Speaking of Mrs. Clinton, someone sent me a cartoon depicting Hillary as the Wicked Witch of the West melting after Dorothy splashed her with a bucket of water. It could explain why the person often described as the Smartest Woman in the World has so far refrained from accepting the ice bucket challenge.

According to a recent study, the estimate of non-citizen votes in 2008 was 1.2 million, which was believed to represent 6.4%, of illegal aliens. Having taken math when it was still taught in the public schools, I was able to determine that rather than the oft-repeated 11million “living in the shadows,” the number would actually be 19 million. And, frankly, since the same 11 million figure has been kicking around for about 20 years by those looking to grant them amnesty, I expect the actual number is closer to 25 million.

Even though we know for a fact that a great many of those who have been released from Guantanamo by Bush and Obama returned to the war zone and have been killing Americans for the past several years, I have no idea why we ever bother capturing Islamic terrorists. It’s not as if when they capture our soldiers, they place them in POW camps. They don’t have POW camps. They only have mass graves. So I will support Obama’s plan to close Gitmo, but only if its inmates are sent off to their perverted Paradise and not back to the war zone.

As my readers know, I am a proponent of capital punishment, not merely for murderers, but for rapists and child molesters. My reason in those cases is revenge for the victims. But I would also execute those who were guilty of perpetrating election fraud. One reason is that I think that anyone subverting the election process deserves to die because he is attempting to disenfranchise legitimate voters of their most precious constitutionally guaranteed right. My other reason is because I believe such a punishment could actually deter those contemplating this form of villainy, whereas I’m not at all sure it works with those depraved enough to kill, rape or molest, the innocent.

I find it singularly bizarre, even for Obama, that the same Commander-in-chief who refuses to have boots on the ground in Iraq, Syria or Iran, in order to combat Islamic terrorism, has no problem sending 3,000 soldiers to Liberia, Guinea and Sierra Leone, to combat Ebola, although the former falls within their job description and the latter doesn’t.

When you hear knucklehead Ben Affleck claim that only a few bad apples are guilty of Islamic terrorism, it’s easier to take than when fellow knuckleheads like George Bush and Barack Obama spouted the same foolishness. But the irony is that super knucklehead Bill Maher got into trouble with his own demented base when he had the temerity to argue the point with Affleck.

So it was that after inviting fulltime Christian-basher Maher to be the commencement speaker at UC Berkeley, 3,000 students signed a petition uninviting him. I suppose this means that in the future, Maher will stick to insulting Christians and lay off those marvelous peace-loving Muslims.

How nutty is California? Well, Jerry Brown and his flying monkeys up in Sacramento recently set aside $9.2 million so that state universities can subsidize illegal aliens, and another $3 million with which illegal aliens can pay attorneys to assist them in fighting deportation.

Speaking of which, the Mexican who recently killed two sheriff deputies had been deported twice after being arrested on drug charges. The truth of the matter is that threatening to deport Hispanic criminals in lieu of jailing or shooting them is about as effective as threatening to throw Br’er Rabbit in the briar patch.

Apple’s CEO Tim Cook has announced that he’s not only a homosexual, but proud to be one. It’s the pride that confuses me, even though his rationale is that being gay has taught him what it’s like to be a member of a minority and has made him tougher. He even thanks God for making him a homosexual. Frankly, that strikes me as terribly naïve. As I see it, when you’re as wealthy as Mr. Cook, you can easily afford to pay other people to be tough on your behalf. For another, I suppose being short and bald in a nation where most people are neither makes me a member of a minority. But it would never enter my mind to be particularly proud of it or to consider sending God a thank-you note.

Our little dog Angel hates the mailman with a vengeance and starts barking her head off every time he slips his daily offerings through the slot in our front door. It’s as if she’s convinced he’s trying to contaminate our living space. And inasmuch as his delivery consists almost entirely of bills, flyers and letters pleading for donations to the likes of Ben Carson, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich, I share her displeasure.

But the other day, I found myself listening to her bark, which sounds as if it’s being made by a dog three or four times her size, and wondering if it fools other dogs. I also wondered if dogs can tell each other’s gender by their barks, the way we can usually determine gender by our voices. I realize that if I were a congressman, I could get a study funded for about $750,000 in tax dollars to find out the answer, but I can’t and, being a conservative, I wouldn’t. But if anyone knows the answer, please send me an email.

Finally, whatever else you say about this administration, you can never accuse its members of lacking gall. Imagine someone in the inner circle of the White House actually having the chutzpah to call Bibi Netanyahu a big pile of chicken poop.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever had a more intimate relationship with the stuff than Barack Obama. And that definitely includes Colonel Sanders.

Que Sera Sera

In the words of an old tune introduced by Doris Day in “The Man Who Knew Too Much,” what will be, will be. I am writing this three days before the mid-term elections. The polls suggest that the GOP will wrest control of the Senate from Harry Reid’s sweaty grasp, but they also indicate that in several races, the Democrat is running 10-15% ahead of Obama’s approval numbers. If you were ever in doubt, this alone should convince you that millions of our fellow citizens are fatheads.

I mean, when Obama’s approval numbers range between 30 and 40%, when 60% of the nation believe America is going to hell in a hand basket, and, yet, those who have voted for Obama’s policies 97% of the time still have a good chance of being re-elected, contagion by Ebola is the least of our problems.

In one of my recent polls, I asked if the GOP would gain control of the Senate, and, if so, would it make any difference. A number of the Tea Party faithful thought we’d recapture the Senate, but it would make no difference at all, and took offense when I referred to them as misguided. Even though I pointed out that at the very least, Obama would finally be compelled to veto House bills and could no longer pretend the House was filled with “obstructionists,” and that he would be prevented from placing any more Kagans or Sotomayors on the Supreme Court, they still insisted it didn’t matter.

Now as you all know, I’m a live-and-let-live sort of guy. But when the Tea Party muddied the waters in Louisiana, where Bill Cassidy was trying to defeat three-term Sen. Mary Landrieu, by placing a second Republican candidate, Rob Maness, on the ballot, it merely ensured that Cassidy wouldn’t be able to avoid a runoff by receiving the necessary 50% of the vote.

In spite of Sarah Palin’s prediction that Maness would win the election, the reality is that Cassidy will be forced to run and win all over again in December. By that time, with control of the Senate possibly in the balance, the DNC will be able to flood the state with money and high-profile Democrats, including not only the Clintons and a gaggle of actors and rock stars, but will very likely manage to roll out the late Huey Long for a few meet-and-greet barbecues.

At times I’ve been asked if I’m not afraid of offending disenchanted Democrats and so-called Independents by never pulling my punches when it comes to ridiculing liberals, and even throwing the occasional jab at Tea Partiers. The answer is that I’m not even slightly fazed. I’m not a politician trolling for votes, so I can afford to be honest. I seek only to enlighten and amuse.

The reason I write so often is because I sincerely believe those on the Left are out to destroy America, to fundamentally change what, at most, required only a little tweaking. But even writing as often as I do, and covering a variety of items in each piece, I keep falling behind. What’s more, I suspect that would be the case even if I concentrated all my efforts to exposing Eric Holder, the vilest and most dangerous racist in America, and the toxic dump he has made of the Justice Department.

As for my relationship to the Tea Party, I happen to share their beliefs, just not their stubborn agenda. I wish everyone agreed with my politics and theirs, but I know that’s not the case. Therefore, I always say that philosophically, I’m a conservative. But, politically, I’m a Republican, which means I will always vote for the Republican candidate in a general election. And when, as in Louisiana, there are two Republicans on the same ballot, I will vote for the one I’m convinced is able to defeat the Democrat.

I even vote early by mail because I realize that at some point everybody dies, and I wouldn’t want to pass away just before Election Day and miss out on the chance to vote against the Democrats. In fact, the only drawback to being a Republican is that, unlike those on the Left, we don’t get to keep on voting long after we’ve been buried.

The fact is I used to be a Democrat. Having been raised in the home of Russian-Jewish immigrants, how could it have been otherwise? But thanks to Jimmy Carter, I finally came to my senses just as the Party took leave of its own.

We’ve gone from being a nation of, by and for the people, to one that is of, by and for, the political hacks and their multitude of hand maidens contaminating the federal bureaucracy. In particular, the folks at the EPA and the IRS would have been right at home in the old Soviet Union, dancing to Stalin’s tune.

If I had been running a GOP Senate race, I would have produced a TV ad in which the Democrat’s face would have morphed into that of Harry Reid, and then into Obama’s mug, before reverting to his own. For as Obama said on two separate occasions, no matter how much space Senate Democrats tried to put between themselves and the President, his policies were on every ballot.

Recently, Hillary Clinton told a cheering crowd of liberal dolts that “companies and corporations don’t create jobs.” And because her staff is apparently as dumb and as lazy as the slackers who comprise her base, it took them three days to get around to explaining she didn’t really mean what she said.

It’s bad enough that Mrs. Clinton made such an utterly stupid remark, but it must have been particularly galling to the folks at NBC after they’d gone to the trouble of creating a $600,000-a-year job specifically for Chelsea.

It is now three days later. It’s Election Night and I can not only breathe more easily, but my unlikeliest fantasies have been exceeded. The GOP has gained control of the Senate, no matter what happens in Virginia and Alaska, and Harry Reid, like one of Cinderella’s coachman as the clock struck midnight, has been transformed back into a mouse with a rotten personality.

The GOP has apparently picked up a dozen seats in the House and have even added to their governorships, not only defeating Charley Crist in Florida, but Jimmy Carter’s grandson in Georgia.

But, perhaps most satisfying of all, they unseated the incumbent governor in Illinois, in spite of both Obamas campaigning for Pat Quinn, and the Republicans won in Arkansas, although both Clintons figured their charisma alone could carry Mike Beebe across the finish line.

As the Clintons and the Obamas have shown repeatedly in the past, their coattails are even shorter than those of Batman’s arch nemesis, the umbrella-wielding Penguin.

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©2014 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write BurtPrelutsky@aol.com.