The No Gloat Zone

After enduring years of investigation for allegedly colluding with evil Russians and threatening hapless Ukrainians over the phone, the temptation for President Trump to gloat over the failure of these two “scandals” to destroy his presidency must be powerful.

BUT DON’T DO IT, Mr. President.

Because there are more “bombshells” in the pipeline and these will be truly terrible.

CNN has also been looking into credible charges that Donald Trump diverted money from his re-election campaign to buy powerful hair products.  Don Lemon has an exclusive on the allegation which will be followed by a panel of 17 people who despise both Trump and hair mousse.  Carl Bernstein is particularly incensed by this scandal saying: “even Nixon wouldn’t do that.”

Not to be outdone, Rachel Maddow is developing a story based on very secret sources that President Trump is fond of ordering the Air Force One pilots to circle unnecessarily in order to exacerbate climate change. Ms. Maddow already has one source who actually witnessed Air Force One landing, and is working on getting John Bolton to confirm the whole sordid scenario.

In addition, word is The New York Times has been told, by a person close to another person, that President Trump browbeat a Sudanese official on the phone.  The Times has even secured a quote by the President who allegedly said: “listen, buster, this is a perfect call but that won’t stop me from slapping a tariff on you people if you don’t come up with dirt on Buttigieg.

Not to be outdone, The Washington Post is developing a report that pinpoints the exact part of the Constitution violated by Mr. Trump when he labeled Mayor Bloomberg “mini-Mike.”  Some believe the newspaper may be interpreting the “disparagement clause” too broadly.  Nevertheless, Congressman Gerald Nadler will hold hearings on it, calling Randy Newman, who wrote the song “Short People,” as his first witness.

Finally, Adam Schiff has apparently been told by a whistleblower that President Trump spoke harshly about Robert DeNiro in the Oval Office.  That “venting,” as the whistleblower described it, has been classified but soon Schiff will also hold hearings on the allegation in the House Subcommittee on Unhealthy Obsessions.

So, in the face of all this, the White House should absolutely become a no gloat zone.

As the saying goes: it ain’t over til the fat lady runs out of bombshells.