The Republican Mole

[Burt has been unusually productive lately. Please enjoy this bonus article, and be sure to read the other article posted today, Catching Up on the News.]

In the Tea Party, there are wackos. No doubt about it. But they are the exception to the rule. On the other hand, in the case of the Democratic Party, they are the Democratic Party.

Black and Latino politicians like to focus on the large financial gap between their constituencies and white Americans. What they choose to ignore is the humongous gap in education. Although I regard the first four years of liberal arts instruction as an unholy waste of time and money, the way the system is set up, one has to slog through them before going on to become a physician, mathematician, architect, surgeon, lawyer, engineer or CPA. But when most members of the two largest minority groups in America don’t even make it through high school, how on earth can they possibly wind up wealthy unless they are adept at hitting, shooting, running or passing, some type of ball?

It’s not bigotry, as the race hustlers and assorted liberals would have it; it’s reality.

Instead of comparing themselves to rich white people, they should compare themselves to the only minority group that editorial writers and various leftwing sob sisters elect to ignore; namely, Asians. In spite of coming to this country generally speaking a foreign language, they and their children apply themselves and, more often than not, wind up out-earning white Americans by out-learning them.

Roughly 50 years ago, Lyndon Johnson declared a War on Poverty. Several trillions of dollars and countless state and federal feel-good programs later, the poverty level is basically unchanged.

The situation in Africa, in spite of the well-publicized efforts of Matt Damon, George Clooney, Bono and the U.N., is even worse. Considering the cast of characters, a cynic might even say, predictably worse. According to a recent study, in the 1970s, 10% of Africans lived in poverty. Today, the number stands at 70%. God knows Angelina Jolie has done all she can, but she’s only one person and she can’t adopt an entire continent.

The fact is, the War on Poverty, whether in Kenya or Detroit, and just about every other war that the U.S. has waged since 1945 has been an unmitigated disaster.

Am I the only one who finds it odd that although liberals were constantly attacking George W. Bush because he didn’t announce an exit strategy for Iraq, nobody ever demands an exit strategy when it comes to the unending wars on drugs and poverty?

On the other hand, there are a couple of wars that deserve to be waged. Both involve federal expenditures. Although they pale in comparison to the millions of dollars squandered on LightSquared, Solyndra and all those various “green energy” scams pulled off by Al Gore and Obama’s major donors, they are morally reprehensible. For instance, when Eric Holder’s Justice Department holds a conference, money is no object, so long as it’s yours and not theirs. Cookies typically go for $10 each, a cup of coffee runs $8, lunch costs $65 and if anyone feels like a snack, it’s another $32.

I haven’t seen over-runs like these since the last time the Pentagon submitted a budget. It makes you wonder if Michelle Obama is running a catering service out of the White House.

The other financial scandal involves pensions that are paid to 15 former members of Congress who were convicted of felonies including tax evasion, drug possession and racketeering. The list includes 11 Democrats and four Republicans. One of the bums collects $96,575-a-year. All told, these 15 ne’er-do-wells pull down nearly a million dollars annually.

Wouldn’t you think the pension rules would have been changed somewhere along the way, if only to provide Eric Holder with the wherewithal to order more cookies?

Finally, I have decided to make my play for the Pulitzer Prize, which has so far managed to elude me, by breaking the biggest news story of the year. It’s time to reveal the fact that Barack Obama is a Republican plant. In 2008, the RNC realized that after eight years of George Bush, if John McCain was somehow elected, the party was doomed to go the way of the Whigs.

By throwing the election and helping to elect a former community agitator with close ties to unrepentant terrorists, Communists and a racist church, the Republican Party wagered that once he showed his true colors, the voters would come to their collective senses.

But even in their wildest dreams, the GOP never imagined that within two short years, they would pick up Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat and elect a slew of governors and senators in Ohio, Virginia, New Jersey and Florida. When Bob Turner, a Catholic conservative, won the recent election in New York’s predominantly Jewish 9th district, millions of champagne glasses were hoisted all over America toasting their favorite mole, Barack Obama.

It’s ironic that in 2008, unsuspecting Democrats kept insisting that Obama was the Messiah. As things turned out, they were right. Who else, after all, could have raised the Republican Party from the dead?

©2011 Burt Prelutsky. Comments? Write Burt!
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