The Wizards of Ooze

by Burt Prelutsky

It’s no wonder that Rahm Emanuel, who could play the villain in a James Bond movie, looks a little bit like the Wicked Witch of the West, and who famously said that a crisis is a terrible thing to waste, has found a home in Obama’s White House. When the president suggested that the oil leak could lead to his raising taxes at the gas pump, I could easily imagine Mr. Emanuel standing off-camera chuckling like a crone and rubbing his hands together.

One thing you have to say for Obama is that he thinks big. Not satisfied with merely destroying our economy and jeopardizing the well being of older Americans, he did the same to England and its seniors when he began threatening British Petroleum with criminal charges. The value of BP stock, which had already been teetering because of the tragic events in the Gulf, plummeted, and with it, the dividend checks of English pensioners. I could almost hear Emanuel’s chortling, “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!”

If he could, I am convinced that Barack Obama would tax the air we breathe. In fact, with Cap & Trade, I think he can. After all, in cahoots with Pelosi and Reid, he has already found any number of ways to tax our patience.

Although I still entertain the hope that Harry Reid will be sent off into the Nevada sunset in November, I know that Nancy Pelosi will be re-elected. But however I feel about her, it really is a wonder that San Francisco, the only freak show in America with its own city charter, has a congressional representative who so closely resembles a normal human being. Still, every time I look at her awe-struck face and hear that spooky little girl voice, I recall a storyline from the “Li’l Abner” comic strip. The long-time senator from Dogpatch, Jack S. Phogbound, was facing certain defeat in an upcoming election until he gave one final campaign speech. He told the voters that if he lost, he would be moving back home, whereas if they re-elected him, they wouldn’t see hide or hair of him for another six years. He won in a landslide.

I’d like to think that helps explain why people like Charles Rangel, Henry Waxman and Robert Byrd, haven’t had to do an honest day’s work in their entire lives.

The two main reasons I want to see the GOP take back the House in November is that I want the brakes applied to Obama’s radical transformation of America, and I want to see Pelosi, as the ex-Speaker of the House, have to hand over the keys to that colossal jet that she’s been using as her personal cross-country shuttle, all the while prattling on about America’s dependence on fossil fuels.