Trump Folds: No Border Wall for Colorado

On Wednesday afternoon, I began receiving word from friends on the Internet that something big had just happened — something involving President Trump and my beloved state of Colorado (the place I call home).

Was it in regard to our marijuana laws? I wondered. Perhaps something to do with our vibrant oil industry?

As it turned out, the news was much bigger:

A wall…in Colorado? A big one that really works? And it was already being built? Surely this had to be fake news, I thought.

I immediately began pouring through reports of Trump’s speech in Pittsburgh, from which the quote had come. I sought out its context, and sure enough, Trump had indeed announced the construction of a border wall in Colorado:

“And we’re building a wall on the border of New Mexico and we’re building a wall in Colorado, we’re building a beautiful wall, a big one that really works that you can’t get over, you can’t get under and we’re building a wall in Texas. We’re not building a wall in Kansas but they get the benefit of the walls we just mentioned.”

One question quickly came to mind:

Living in the northern part of the state, I suppose my regional bias led me to assume that the border wall was being constructed to keep out Wyomingites. I mean, it obviously wouldn’t keep anyone from crossing the Mexican border, being that our state isn’t located anywhere close to Mexico (a stable-genius president would surely know that).

And I’ve got to be honest… I found the premise of a “beautiful wall” between us and Wyoming to be rather appealing (and not just because I have in-laws in Cheyenne):

Unfortunately, my declaration threw a bit of a fright into my friend, Prairie Wife, who lives up in Casper:

I felt bad about that, but I was still onboard. It was about time, after all, that someone had finally stood up to “Big Firework.”

The decades-old fireworks trade deficit that Colorado runs with Wyoming has long been a sore spot with me. When people cross the Colorado border into Wyoming on Interstate 25, the first thing they see are big, colorful, fireworks warehouses open 365 days year. Inside, they sell the good stuff — ear-shattering pyrotechnics that light up the sky like a nuclear bomb, and will take off half your arm if lit improperly.

Conversely, all we have here in Colorado are those flimsy parking-lot stands than open up a couple weeks before the Fourth of July (and close the day after). They sell mostly sparkly fountains, which is why un-state-triotic Coloradans head north for their pyro.

This is unfair and unacceptable. Wyoming’s been stealing from us! And I was appreciative that President Trump had the guts to finally do something about it…as long as he held off on the wall’s completion until after my Cheyenne book signing on November 2nd. (Safeguard: A Sean Coleman Thriller; it’s now on sale, folks).

Anyway, only later did it occur to me that Trump may have been talking about more than just a single Colorado border. What if he was talking about all of our state’s borders? As Twitter icon David Burge pointed out, it would be far more cost-efficient than focusing on our country’s southern border with Mexico:

Friend and fellow Coloradan, Kimberly Corban, however, brought up a powerful counterargument:

Plus, Fox News’s Dana Perino (a national treasure) still has family in both Colorado (where her sister Angie reliably likes all of my dog photos on Instagram) and Wyoming. I was worried about the potential travel challenges Trump’s plan might create for them.

Still, it seemed to me that the benefits would easily outweigh the costs:

Don’t even get me started on those damned Californians (I’m looking at you, Jeff Webb). For years, they’ve screwed up the Golden State with their far-left policies, before fleeing to Colorado to try and do the same here.

Well… not on Trump’s watch. Or at least that’s what I thought…

After a night of dreaming about our president using the California Zephyr to deport hundreds of thousands of documented immigrants (including California dreamers) back to the West Coast, I awoke to discover that none of it was happening or was ever going to happen. No wall. No interstate trade war (and subsequent billion-dollar bailouts for fuse manufacturers). None of it:

It was a joke? And a nonsensical one at that? Sorry folks, but I’m not buying it.

This globalist reversal is clearly the work of the Deep State — those secret evil forces embedded at the highest ranks of our government who’ve vowed to stop President Trump from making Colorado great again. And all one has to do is connect the dots to figure out who made the call — the Deep State operative who stood the most to lose.

I’m talking of course about longtime Wyoming resident, Dick Cheney.

The former Vice President’s well established dealings with “Big Firework” date back to his days as the CEO of Halliburton, where he presided over hundreds of non-bid contracts for statewide Y2K celebrations. He’s still clearly in their pocket and pulling the strings. The swamp, my friends, is still swampy.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m sick and tired of President Trump is being undermined at every turn, whether it be nixing his idea to nuke hurricanes, or saying he can’t pressure foreign governments to investigate his political opponents. I’ve had it with these people. The Deep State! The Resistance! Those “human scum” Never Trumpers! Why do they hate America, and why do they hate Colorado?

Things have gotten so desperate that I even came awfully close the other day to buying a Gregg Jarrett book (hoping to find some answers), and I really don’t want to have to do that.

For now, all I can say is… stay strong America (and Colorado). We will prevail. #MCGA2020

Megyn Kelly, on John A. Daly’s new novel, Safeguard.