Facts I Have Uncovered About the Real Mitt Romney

In just about every poll, Mitt Romney comes out ahead of President Obama on the issue most important to voters -- the economy. In most polls he comes out way out ahead.

More Americans think Romney would be a better steward of the economy than Mr. Obama.

Most Americans don’t think the economy will improve anytime soon.  Nearly half think we’re headed into another recession

Most Americans think America is on the wrong track.

After nearly four years in office, most Americans are disappointed in President Obama.

Even if they like him personally, there’s no escaping the conclusion that they don’t have much confidence in his abilities.  He’s a nice guy, they seem to be saying, but he’s just not up to the job.

And yet, the race is neck and neck.  Shouldn’t Mitt Romney be up by at least 10 points? What’s going on?

I have spent the last few weeks engaged in tireless research -- and I think I have found the answer.  Consider these facts.

Mitt Romney is a murderer.  It’s been well documented that he played a major role in the death of a woman who had cancer.

He’s a tax cheat who hasn’t paid a penny in federal income taxes for at least 10 years.

He's a felon who committed perjury in forms submitted to the Securities and Exchange Commission.

He wants to put black folks in chains.

He’s a Mormon, which as everyone knows, means he wears magic underwear and has a gaggle of wives hidden in the 55 mansions he owns in all 57 states as well as in palaces in Switzerland, Morocco, and the Caymen Islands.

He has genetically-engineered hair which he bought on line for $8 billion dollars – the amount of money he makes in 3 and a half days.

He is known to be very white.

His name isn't even Mitt.

And one of his wives, the one they call Ann whom he has allowed to pop up on TV every now and then, is an admitted equestrian.

No wonder the race is so tight.

You think it’s easy for the average American to choose between an incompetent sitting president who doesn’t have a clue as to how the economy works, who doesn't know the difference between a capital gain and a moose,  and who never had a real job (unless you count community organizer) in his whole life … and a tax cheating racist killer who wears funny underpants and has hair that came out of a test tube?

But if you absolutely had to vote for one which one would it be?

Me too.