How Ann Coulter Became Miley Cyrus

Ann Coulter was on television plugging an old book that just came out in paperback and a new one coming out next month.  So Ann did what Ann always does to drum up business.  She came up with something outrageous to say that would get the buzz going.

She went on Sean Hannity’s TV show and decided the best way to create some noise would be to call the first black president of the United States of America … a monkey.

And to make sure everybody got it, she used the M word not once, not twice, but three times.

She told Hannity that Vladimir Putin “is making a monkey out of Obama” in the Syrian situation.  She said. “Putin, time after time, made Obama a monkey.”  She said Putin created a situation in Syria, “to make Obama look like a monkey.”

Yes, we all know it’s an old, harmless expression: “He just made a monkey out of you.”  But surely Ann must also know that “monkey” was a favorite word of racists, especially the really stupid ones, who got a big kick out of comparing black people to monkeys.

Of course she knew.  That’s why she said it.

Even her good friend Hannity had had enough after the third monkey reference.  He asked her if she was merely being “provocative.” Ann, of course, had accomplished what she set out to do, so she told Hannity that Obama was a “rag doll” if that made him feel better.

She also bashed the president for pulling troops out of Iraq, a war Coulter called “the most magnificent United States foreign policy success in 50 years.”

Is there another Iraq I don’t know about?

Ann Coulter is too smart to so consistently sound so stupid.

Except, she isn’t stupid.  She knows exactly what she’s doing.  In Crazies to the Left of Me, Wimps to the Right, I said this about Coulter:

“[B]eing Ann Coulter isn’t as easy as it looks.  You have to keep upping the ante just to maintain your status as the blond provocateur.  So she has suggested that ‘a baseball bat is the most effective way’ to deal with liberals, that Democrats are ‘gutless traitors,’ that ‘we need somebody to put rat poison in Justice Steven’s crème brulee,’ that we should invade countries that hide Muslim terrorists, ‘kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity,’ and she’s even lamented that Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh, ‘did not get to the New York Times building.’”

Ann Coulter is the Miley Cyrus of political commentary.  Miley tried to shock us with her sex act on national TV.  She wanted everyone over 25 to gasp and be outraged.  Instead we yawned and said she’s pathetic. Anyone who tries that hard to shock is automatically boring.  Take note, Ann.

Here’s how I concluded my chapter about Coulter:

“Ann Coulter understands our culture better than almost anyone.  She understands that what you say is important, but in the United States of Entertainment, how you  say it is even more important.  Ann understands that it pays to be the blond who throws bombs at liberals.  In fact, she understands that it pays very well.”

After Ann is done hawking her current books, I have an idea for a new one, a memoir.  She can call it, How I Desperately Tried to Stay Relevant by Becoming Miley.